17 Reasons You Should Never F%@& With A Bus

JUST DON’T DO IT.

1. BUSSES DON’T BELIEVE IN A GREEN LIGHT. THEY ONLY BELIEVE IN A RED LIGHT. A BLOOD RED LIGHT.

2. WHEN A BUS SAYS ITS SORRY, GUESS WHAT. IT AIN’T SORRY. IT’S ACTUALLY LAUGHING.

3. YOU THINK A BUS CARES WHERE YOU’RE GOING? THINK AGAIN YOU CLOWN. THEY WILL U-TURN WHEREVER AND WHENEVER.

4. A BUS DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DAMN DENTIST APPOINTMENT BECAUSE A BUS HAS BUS THINGS TO DO. LIKE TRANSPORT.

5. YOU THINK A BUS DOESN’T PLAY TONY HAWK’S PRO SKATER? GUESS WHAT YA DINGUS, BUSSES LOVE GETTING AIR.

6. YOU THINK YOU OWN THE ROAD THERE, EH, BLOCKHEAD? GUESS WHAT? A BUS OWNS IT. IT HAS 4 MONOPOLY HOUSES ON IT AND ONE ON PARK PLACE.

7. YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP A BUS AS A PET? THINK AGAIN, YA SIMPLETON. THEY ARE FREE LIKE A FREE SAMPLE AT WHOLE FOODS OR WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR GROCERIES.

Mian Khursheed / Reuters

8. GUESS WHAT PEA-BRAIN? BUSSES ARE IN BETTER SHAPE THEN YOU. CAN YOU FIT THROUGH THIS ROCK FORMATION? DOUBT IT.

9. BUT YOU’D BE OUT YOUR DAMN MIND IF YOU THINK BUSSES DON’T RELAX FROM TIME TO TIME. GUESS WHAT, DONALD DUMBS-FELD: BUSSES LOVE TO SWIM.

BOB OWEN, San Antonio Express-News / Via mysanantonio.com

10. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE BUSSES LOVE TO DO? PAL AROUND WITH CAMELS. YOU EVER PAL AROUND WITH A CAMEL? DOUBT IT, LOSER.

11. YOU THINK A BUS ISN’T A TRAIN? WOW, I HOPE YOU FEEL REAL HAPPY THERE YA IGNORAMUS. BECAUSE A BUS IS WHAT A BUS WANTS/WHAT A BUS NEEDS.

12. A BUS DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE RULES OF THE ROAD. WHEN A BUS SEES A ROAD IT SEES A BLANK CANVAS. AN OPPORTUNITY. A DREAM.

13. DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN? WELL, GUESS WHAT YA DUM-DUM: THEY DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE YOU. THEY WANT TO BE LIKE A BUS.

14. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THEY WANT? SOME BUS FACIAL HAIR. YEAH. REAL SMOOTH, REAL CLEAN.

15. OH, SO YOU’RE A TINY BUS? WELL, MAYBE WE CAN GET AL—- JUST KIDDING.

16. BUSSES AREN’T AFRAID OF NOTHING, NOT EVEN A FIGHTER JET. YEAH, YOU RUN AWAY FIGHTER JET. RUN REAL FAST.

17. ONLY THING A BUS IS SCARED OF ARE BIRDS BECAUSE WHEN BUSSES WERE 4 YEARS OLD THEY SNUCK DOWNSTAIRS TO WATCH HITCHCOCK’S “THE BIRDS” AND HAD A REALLY BAD EXPERIENCE.

REAL BAD IDEA, BUS.

Inspired by the BITCH, IM A BUS sub-reddit.

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