1. Everyone knows this feeling. The horrible, crushing anxiety of getting a text like this:
2. Let’s break it down.
3. First of all, it’s 2:14 a.m. No one has ever had a completely safe conversation at 2:14 a.m. You know why? Because 2:14 a.m. is when SHIT. GETS. REAL. I’m talking Bad Boys II levels of real.
4. Secondly, there’s a straight-faced emoticon — never a good sign. Once you see one of these suckers you better run and/or pull out your best bumblebee emoji.
5. And finally let’s examine the ticking clock of the typing symbol. Boys become men and girls become women while watching this little guy sit there. It knows no time, it knows no space. It simply is.
6. Put it all together and you get a horrible, horrible anxiety-filled night.
Oh god, I’m so nervous now.