18 Words That Mean Something Totally Different When You’re A British Jew

What are you doing on Friday night?

1. North West London.

Mark Hogan / Flickr: markhogan

What it usually means: A residential area in the North Western part of London.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: An area where you will inevitably bump into three ex-boyfriends, your grandma and that lady from synagogue within the space of ten minutes.

2. Best friend.

Warner Bros. / misssanches.tumblr.com

What it usually means: Your closest friend.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Every person you’ve ever met in your life. You have at least 25 best friends.

3. Charity.

What it usually means: An anonymous donation of goodwill.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Singles events.

4. Golders Green.

Elliott Brown / Flickr: ell-r-brown

What it usually means: A residential stop on the Northern Line.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: The place to have all your kosher needs met, for the mere price of £45 per head.

5. Harry Styles.

What it usually means: One fifth of One Direction.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A pop star that you actually have a chance of bumping into, given his penchant for restaurants in Golders Green.

6. The Jewish Chronicle.

What it usually means: A newspaper you’ve never heard of.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Your version of Hello!, except you know everyone in it.

7. Tour.

What it usually means: A trip on which you visit more than one place.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A month you spent in Israel when you were 16, where you made friends, kissed boys and experienced ample fashion disasters.

8. Football.

What it usually means: A popular sport.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Jewish league football is the most important thing. Being involved in it makes you really important too.

9. Tinder.

What it usually means: A dating app.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A way to find fellow Jews that allows you to become acquainted with their entire life stories before starting conversations with them, thanks to the mutual friends tool.

10. Israel.

What it usually means: A country fraught with tension in the Middle East.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A place that you feel an intense connection with and are intent on defending.

11. Beck.

Sirens Media / splatter.com

What it usually means: The abbreviated form of Rebecca.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A very made up, fake tanned young lady with overly straightened hair. You never want to be called Beck (but you probably have been).

12. Couple.

What it usually means: Two people who are dating.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Your version of a Yarmulke that boys place on their head surreptitiously as they enter synagogue.

13. Summer holiday.

RonAlmog / Flickr: ronalmog

What it usually means: A chance to take time out of work to relax.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Tel Aviv, baby! And you’ll go with every single one of your close friends and family, who you see every weekend.

14. Tan.

What it usually means: A healthy, sun-kissed look you acquire by spending time in the sun.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: It’s not a proper tan unless you look like you’ve rolled around in dog poo for several days.

15. Zara.

Leif Harboe / Flickr: leif

What it usually means: A popular high street store.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: If you wear its clothes, you run the risk of bumping into your mother, sister, daughter and/or friend in the exact same outfit.

16. Friday night.

What it usually means: Time for the pub.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Depends who’s asking. You may not be able to make it due to a “family thing”. Or you may tell your parents an innocuous lie about a friend hosting a Friday night dinner.

17. Sunday lunch.

Annie Mole / Flickr: anniemole

What it usually means: A weekly sit down with your family over a roast.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Sabbath leftovers and/or smoked salmon and bagels, because “I’ve cooked all weekend OK, I’m taking a break.”

18. A good catch.

What it usually means: A potential mate who may boast good looks, a good career or a good personality.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: “What synagogue does he go to?” “How often?” “How tall is he?” “Which football team does he support?” “What do his parents do?” “Do I know his grandma?” “How kosher is kosher?” “Good job???”

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