1. Kraft “Zesty Guy”
He is model Anderson Davis, and he has created a furor by undressing for salad dressing.
His spots are spot-on: He doesn’t talk too much, he’s in, he’s out, we’re satisfied.
Pluses: shirtless (eventually), decent actor, easy-breezy demeanor, nice stubble.
Minuses: none that this hetero ad critic can ascertain.
One more spot below.
See his other two commercials here.
This spread ad incited the One Million Moms to complain about Davis’ “barely covered g*nitals.” Yes, they spelled it with an asterisk.
Kraft responded by shooting more ads. Hey cowboy.
The beach layout (L) is an obvious dig at the Christian “Moms.”
2. Sauza Tequila “Fireman”
He’s model Thomas Beaudoin.
Pluses: nice beard, speaks French, likes kittens.
Minuses: not shirtless, bad actor.
3. Liquid Plumr “Plumber”
“Peter” only needs seven minutes to plum her.
Pluses: doesn’t talk too much, when he does talk — double entendres, always up for a quickie.
Minuses: not shirtless.
Last year, Liquid Plumr featured two different dark-haired hunks hawking their “Double Impact” formula.
4. The Brawny Man
The Brawny paper towel man actually predates Old Spice Guy.
Pluses: very likeable, can run with a rock, can do push-ups forever (see 2nd ad, below).
Minuses: not shirtless.
5. Sauza Tequila “Lifeguard”
If he looks familiar, that’s because he is Anderson Davis, the above Kraft “Zesty Guy.”
Sauza, apparently, even signed him up first. However they didn’t buy him out and Kraft grabbed him, and made better ads with him.
Pluses: shirtless, loves little dogs
Minuses: drinking apparently makes him dumber than eating salads.
6. Dove Chocolate Mario Lopez
Yes, Dove made a dark chocolate sculpture of Mr. fabulous abs, using light green mint chocolate for his hair and eyebrows.
Pluses: shirtless, edible.
Minuses: it’s Mario Lopez.
7. Bertolli’s “Alfredo Caldo-Freddo”
Pluses: shirtless, can cook.
Minuses: he’s a babbling idiot.
8. Zmrzliny Prima Mrož popsicle studs (Czech Republic)
So many hunks, some of them butt-naked.
But, none of them speak, so…
9. Piers Morgan for Burger King.
Morgan(’s head) was featured in a 2009 print ad for BK’s flame-grilled perfume.
I refuse to grade him.
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