1. There's only ONE reason you've ever showed up to a Thanksgiving meal:
2. And the only thing you're thankful for on Thanksgiving is the fact that you live in a world where such a dessert exists.
"Family" who?
3. Every year you search for new recipes you can try out to spice up your lifelong relationship with the pie.
And it NEVER fails to keep the relationship going.
4. The night before Thanksgiving you have trouble sleeping because you're just so DAMN excited to eat some pumpkin pie.
5. Just the smell of pumpkin pie baking in the oven gets your mouth salivating and aroused.
6. You always take it upon yourself to bring the ~true~ Thanksgiving dessert to dinner because you can't risk having some basic cobbler.
7. It's seriously hard for you to focus on your meal when you know there's pumpkin pie waiting to be eaten at the end of it all.
8. You always act like you're WAY fuller than you actually are so you have room for as much pumpkin pie as you can eat.
9. You know the perfect amount of whipped cream to put on your pie so it compliments, but doesn't overpower, its orgasmic taste.
Like don't disrespect the pie by drowning it in Cool Whip.
10. You question ANYONE'S sanity who passes on some pump pie for dessert.
11. If ANYONE tries to have a bite of your pie, you feel personally attacked.
12. But you always offer a helping hand when someone can't eat their slice of pie.
13. The first taste of the pie's artificial pumpkin flavoring is so empowering when it hits your thankful tastebuds that it's actually hard for you to hold back tears.
14. ... Even though you've already secretly eaten DOZENS of other pumpkin pies because you couldn't wait until Thanksgiving.
15. You're well aware your addiction is a problem but you give no festive fucks about it.
16. Because at the end of the day, you're just doing whatever it takes to be with your one true love:
I love you, PP.