3. “You spend way too much time texting your BFF about bowel movements.”
5. “I didn’t know someone could take and send so many selfies in one day.”
6. “You cancelled plans with your Grandma to play video games?”
9. “The amount of pictures you send of other people’s dogs is creepy.”
10. “You ordered Chinese 3 days in a row this week. Way get some variety in there, champ.”
11. “Oh wow, you’re hungry again, I’m sure your S.O. is really interested.”
12. “That picture you sent your BFF last May? Yes, your butt did look fat.”
16. “Seriously. Maybe stop texting her if she never responds.”
17. “You said you were at the gym but your GPS data says otherwise.”
20. “You told your S.O. you were staying in but you went out drinking instead, didn’t you?”
21. “I am 100% certain you have a drinking problem.”
22. “You’ve texted so much about farting, I’m wondering if it’s a serious medical problem.”
23. “Sending that naked picture was a high risk, high reward sitch, am I right?”
24. “Oh you donated a few times to the Red Cross. High five!”
25. “I’m sorry, is Ryan Gosling hot? I couldn’t tell from your million texts.”
26. “Saw what you searched on WebMD. Sorry about the STD.”
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