1. The “Hannah” Award Goes to…
2. The Hamster
Big brown eyes and loves cupcakes. Also, hamsters exhibit extreme OCD behavior when they’re on their wheels.
3. The “Adam”…
4. The Monkey
Cute but volatile
5. The “Marnie” Goes to…
6. The Standard Poodle
Beautiful, smart, uptight and attracted to Labradors (see Charlie’s doppleganger below).
7. Exhibit B for Marni as the Standard Poodle
Loves to do covers of songs when she’s depressed.
8. The “Charlie”…
9. The Labrador
Loyal to a fault, he just wants to make sweet sweet labradoodles with Marnie the poodle.
10. The “Shoshana”…
11. The Lovable and High Maintenance Shih-Tzu
Killer/Crazy hairstyles, this shih-tzu would definitely claim “I may be deflowered but I’m not devalued”
12. As for the “Ray” Award…
13. The Snapper Turtle
Judgmental, he does not usually come out of his shell. Only for certain, lovably shih-tzu’s bound to break his ambition-less heart.
14. And Finally, the “Jessa” Award Goes to…
15. The Lisa Frank Dolphin
Free-spirited, sometimes Jessa’s existence seems unreal but always colorful**
**Also, not to ruin your favorite childhood brand but these dolphins totally look like they’re having an orgy and Jessa would totally be down for that.
- Dylann Roof wants to plead guilty to the charges against him in the Charleston church shooting, his attorney said, but a judge entered a not guilty plea for him on Friday.
- The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two teenagers who went missing a week ago off the coast of Florida.
- Beijing will host the 2022 Winter Olympics, becoming the first city to host both the summer and winter games.