1. Gather your supplies.
You've seen those heart-shaped doilies with the intricate lace designs. Using these is cheating.
2. You can make one that looks MUCH better with just scissors and paper.
3. Next, trace a careful outline of your own face.
4. Cut out your face and glue it on for a truly personal touch.
5. Apply as much lipstick as you can.
6. Kiss the valentine, thoroughly getting your DNA everywhere.
7. Cover everything with glue and get aggressive with the glitter. The more you use, the more it shows you care.
8. Cover your valentine in beautiful paint.
9. Make a Cupid's bow sculpture out of pipe cleaners.
10. Discard it because it looks like garbage and no one can tell what it is.
11. Slap on a big googly eye to send a clear message: You are always watching.
12. Unwrap your chocolate heart.
13. Take a bite so your lover will see your distinct tooth markings.
14. Tape it right on there. Use duct tape to make sure it's sturdy, like your love.
15. Use the scissors to cut off a lock of your hair. Glue that to your masterpiece.
16. To make your valentine truly personal, cry tears directly onto it.
17. If you've done everything correctly, your finished product should look like this. And your love should last a lifetime.
Disclaimer: No chocolate was harmed in the making of this valentine.