1. Welcome to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Soirée atop Seattle’s Columbia Tower (It’s like we’re in Mr. Grey’s office, right?)
2. But before you enter the party you (the submissive) will have to sign this contract. Mr. Grey’s rules! Sorry, Babes!
3. Are you ready? The safe word is “Yellow”, but use the safe word “Red” if things get too intense.
4. Also make sure you DO NOT check your inner goddess at the door.
(Please ignore the Christmas decorations, which were not allowed to be taken down.)
6. Sexy corset cookies spice up any buffet table.
7. As do artistic mini-cupcakes wearing small grey ties.
8. When you go, you might want to wear a mask. We suggest this weird “Eyes Wide Shut” bird number.
9. KEEP CALM because…
10. Guys wearing shirts embroidered with dragons will try to talk to you while you’re in your underwear.
Why you’d be wearing your underwear is unclear. But “Fifty Shades”-themed parties shouldn’t make too much sense, right?
11. AND there might be celebrity doppelgangers around. REMAIN CALM!
12. Allison Bree? Is that you?
13. Kat Von D!?
14. OMG JAMIE LEE CURTIS!
15. Make sure you don’t get too *tied up* gawking at the décor.
16. Because you won’t want to miss the back jewelry.
17. And sexy ladies in lingerie!
Why are they there? Why not!
20. The most important thing is that you HAVE A GOOD TIME!
21. And wear gray, obviously.
22. Submit to the theme!
23. Bring a group of girlfriends.
24. Or a date!
25. Just try to help the men there avoid feeling too awkward.
26. Don’t be like this guy!
27. Be like THIS GUY!
28. Definitely take lots of pictures.
29. But watch out for leather whip photo bombs.
30. At this party, pino grigio is your friend.
31. Just don’t get so drunk that you trip on the contortionist.
32. Or allow these people to start erotically beating you with whips.
33. At this point in the night is probably when you want to say…
Photographs by Chona Kasinger for BuzzFeed