33 Photos Of Awkward Debauchery At A “Fifty Shades Of Grey” Soirée

Learn what to expect if you have to attend one of these things yourself. WARNING: ladies wearing underwear for no apparent reason ahead.

1. Welcome to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Soirée atop Seattle’s Columbia Tower (It’s like we’re in Mr. Grey’s office, right?)

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2. But before you enter the party you (the submissive) will have to sign this contract. Mr. Grey’s rules! Sorry, Babes!

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3. Are you ready? The safe word is “Yellow”, but use the safe word “Red” if things get too intense.

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4. Also make sure you DO NOT check your inner goddess at the door.

(Please ignore the Christmas decorations, which were not allowed to be taken down.)

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5. Avoid serving gray food, if you can.

It never looks appetizing.

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6. Sexy corset cookies spice up any buffet table.

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7. As do artistic mini-cupcakes wearing small grey ties.

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8. When you go, you might want to wear a mask. We suggest this weird “Eyes Wide Shut” bird number.

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9. KEEP CALM because…

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10. Guys wearing shirts embroidered with dragons will try to talk to you while you’re in your underwear.

Why you’d be wearing your underwear is unclear. But “Fifty Shades”-themed parties shouldn’t make too much sense, right?

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11. AND there might be celebrity doppelgangers around. REMAIN CALM!

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12. Allison Bree? Is that you?

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13. Kat Von D!?

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15. Make sure you don’t get too *tied up* gawking at the décor.

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16. Because you won’t want to miss the back jewelry.

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17. And sexy ladies in lingerie!

Why are they there? Why not!

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20. The most important thing is that you HAVE A GOOD TIME!

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21. And wear gray, obviously.

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22. Submit to the theme!

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23. Bring a group of girlfriends.

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24. Or a date!

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25. Just try to help the men there avoid feeling too awkward.

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26. Don’t be like this guy!

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27. Be like THIS GUY!

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28. Definitely take lots of pictures.

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29. But watch out for leather whip photo bombs.

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30. At this party, pino grigio is your friend.

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31. Just don’t get so drunk that you trip on the contortionist.

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32. Or allow these people to start erotically beating you with whips.

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33. At this point in the night is probably when you want to say…

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Photographs by Chona Kasinger for BuzzFeed

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