1. The leg press.
More like… egg press.
2. The scissor kick nightmare that scientifically angles your farts to be as loud as humanly possible.
3. This hanging bench that uses gravity to push your farts out at nose level.
4. The rowing machine.
More like… blowing machine.
5. The squat machine.
You can’t spell “I have to knock out some squats before we leave” without “butt squeaks.”
6. This somewhat erotic-looking leg press contraption.
7. The trampoline, probably.
8. That elevated kicking thing that’s always in the corner of the gym.
For good reason.
9. And whatever this thing is.