26 Everyday Occurrences In Australia

When you live on a barely hospitable desert island that was once a continent-sized penal colony, your life tends to be a little more badass than the average person’s.

1. Vicious koala attacks.

2. Thieving kangaroos.

3. Alligators attacking helicopters. (Totally normal.)

4. Spiders. Everywhere you look is spiders. It’s all spiders.

5. Wallabies playing with a rolls of toilet paper like cats.

6. Your favorite grocery stores getting sassy.

7. The census takers too.

8. Oh, and the police departments.

9. Visits from Australia’s most majestic animal, the emu.

10. So elegant. No wonder they put it on the Australia’s official crest.

11. Everyone swearing all the time. (Even the trains.)

12. An elderly population that doesn’t fuck around.

13. Newspaper articles about cows photobombing horses stuck in a fences.

14. Nightmare koalas waiting for you in your garage, presumably to consume you.

15. Sperm donor sites that know what’s up.

16. Wild dingoes killing and eating sharks on the beaches.

17. Stormtroopers unicycling in the rain.

18. Men named Jack Mehoff. (Say it slowly.)

19. The worst vegetarian restaurants.

20. Kangaroos lounging on pristine beaches.

21. Well-coordinated renditions of The Simpsons in the opinion pages.

22. Attacks from whatever the hell that thing is.

23. Not visits from the pope, apparently.

24. Fishermen using sharks as bait to catch even bigger sharks.

25. Crime so bad that even the prostitutes are getting out of town.

26. Swooping kookaburras… which sounds funny, until you see how giant a kookaburra’s beak is.

(P.S. We’re looking for editors in New Zealand/Australia: Apply here!)

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