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23 Reasons Everyone Needs To Stop Getting Married

Together, we can end this madness.

1. Because Monster Energy is a drink, not a wedding theme.

2. Because nobody should be planking during your ceremony.

3. Because jorts are not acceptable attire, even for the band…

4. And especially not for the groom. Couldn’t you at least have worn full jeans?

5. Never mind. Still bad.

6. Because even a super-tasteful Mario-themed wedding is STILL A MARIO-THEMED WEDDING.

 

7. Because no bride should be power-bombed down the aisle.

8. Because weddings are not XBox games. Stop it.

9. Because as great as Star Wars is, Admiral Ackbar is not legally capable of conducting the ceremony.

10. Nor is Master Chief.

11. Because it’s supposed to be a wedding, not a nightmare.

12. BECAUSE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A WEDDING, NOT A NIGHTMARE.

13. Because themed weddings always sound better on paper.

 

14. Because I’m not sure it counts if a hot dog does it.

15. Because nobody should get married in a McDonald’s.

 

17. Because you may not be as good at Photoshop as you think you are.

18. Because it’s estimated that 1 in 7 people are afraid of clowns.

 

19. Because there’s a time and a place for airbrushed T-shirts.

 

20. Because you may have a drinking problem.

21. Because you apparently thought you were getting dressed for an early-’90s rap video instead of a wedding.

23. Because there’s absolutely no way to know what’s going on here.

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