1. No Fear shirts.
You were a 13-year-old kid from the suburbs. Who were you trying to intimidate?
2. T-shirts with Looney Toons characters in typical ’90s attire.
Being into the Tasmanian Devil or Marvin the Martian probably wasn’t as quirky as you thought it was.
3. JNCO jeans with 50” leg openings.
Maybe we should have listened to our parents on this one.
4. Wearing golf visors when you weren’t golfing.
This wasn’t really about golf, was it? But, what was it about.
5. Light-up LA Gears.
First you got your mom to buy them, then you spent three days constantly stomping your heels to show them off to your friends.
6. Turning your jeans into DIY bell bottoms.
I was going to say that those were probably perfectly good jeans, but considering that they were probably pre-ripped and acid washed before you even bought them, maybe we should just rethink everything about jeans in the ’90s.
7. Starter jackets.
Now you can look like your favorite nerdy, 50-year-old special teams coach.
8. Baja hoodies.
This is a tough one to admit, because they really did seem super cool at the time.
9. Big Johnson shirts.
Nobody is buying it. Your voice hasn’t even broken yet, dude.
10. Bucket hats / bucket hats with Surge logos.
Oh my god, this was such a mistake. This was such a mistake.
11. Chaining our Mossimo wallets to our pants.
Nobody wanted to steal your library card and that expired condom.
13. Anything the company Bugle Boy ever made.
You know? These dudes actually look pretty fly.
16. Hard Rock Cafe shirts.
Oh cool. You went to Tampa Bay with your parents.
17. Baggy shorts that went down to our shins, leaving a useless amount of leg exposed.
Great way to keep cool on those hot summer days.
18. Anything with a Stüssy logo on it.
The only thing worse than us wearing these Stüssy shirts were the assholes who called us posers for wearing these Stüssy shirts.
19. Brightly colored raver gear.
Especially when you weren’t at a rave.
20. Dressing in goth attire as though we were all cast in The Craft.
In other words, your town had a Hot Topic.
21. Coed Naked shirts.
Hey, Big Johnson called, he wants his crass sexual innuendos back.
22. Chunky-heeled high-top sneakers.
All the comfort of a Converse sneaker, totally negated by that stupid giant heel.
23. Wearing your hat backward then pulling a little tuft of hair through the opening.
If you spent as much time thinking about your fashion choices as you did styling that little tuft of hair, we wouldn’t be here right now.
24. Wearing overalls over just one shoulder.
Listen, wearing overalls was a questionable choice in the first place, but this is just abuse.
25. Big Dog shirts.
Do you think those dudes wearing the No Fear shirts were afraid of the dudes in the Big Dog shirts?
26. Wearing too much CK One.
So sophisticated. Next stop, United Nations.
27. Tons of those little butterfly clips all over your head.
Painful, time-consuming, and unattractive.
28. Jeans with the waistband cut off so that the zipper was the only way to keep them up.
The people at the jeans company put that waistband on there for a fucking reason.
29. Wearing multiple hemp bracelets.
You wanted everyone to know that you were a total stoner. You smoked the weeds all the time, obviously.
30. Hypercolor shirts.
What a super fun novelty! Until you washed and dried them for the first time and whatever chemical process that was happening totally stopped working.
31. Patterned Vests.
Thanks for nothing, 90210.
32. Big, goofy hats.
To hide our big, goofy hair, I suppose.