36 Things You Only Find In Hackney

Take your cronut back to 2013. We’re into some next level lamb testicles in Hackney.

1. In Hackney you’ll encounter some hardcore neighbourhood feuds.

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2. And some vicious coffee snobs.

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3. Who have no time for pensioners.

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4. There are some rather unfriendly hairdressers.

“Sorry your 15 minutes is up. Have fun with half a fringe.”

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5. Then again it’s Hackney. Lopsided haircuts aplenty!

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6. But the harsh Hackney weather conditions = many wig casualties.

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7. Hackney doesn’t take part in trendy food crazes. They have their own delicacies.

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8. Locals love chowing down on the good stuff.

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9. There are a lot of fashionable pop ups but everything will be sold out by the time you tweet about it.

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10. Even last year’s Christmas tree was steeped in fashion.

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11. You’ll see a lot of fixed speed bikes.

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12. But some people go the extra mile.

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13. A large part of Hackney is inhabited by alien folk.

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14. Allegedly they come from an intergalactic portal located on this Hackney Wick bridge.

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15. Where normal units of time don’t apply.

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16. Forget City Lit. Hackney has a lot of unique courses on offer.

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17. And some VERY strange career opportunities.

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18. Hackney Hipsters are constantly trying to out hipster each other no matter how old they are.

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19. Luckily there are safety precautions in place to protect the hipsters from themselves.

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20. People in Hackney are often overly polite.

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21. But the place is rife with conflicting messages.

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22. There are dogs who dress better than you ever will.

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23. There are children who dress better than you ever will.

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24. They rock backpacks better than you ever will.

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25. In fact Hackney kids are better than you in every aspect.

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26. Hackney street art = inspirational.

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27. You might get proposed to if you’re lucky.

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28. In Hackney there’s a lot of old men lighting fires.

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29. And girls who eat the fires.

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30. There are a crap load of mattresses lying around Hackney.

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31. And they love a good pun.

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32. There’s suicidal wildlife.

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33. Buildings that look like a rainbow jizzed all over them.

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35. But at least their bins exhibit a sense of humour.

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36. And they’re social media savy.

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So get your asses over to Hackney

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Unless your name is Tesco of course.

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