30 Thoughts You Have When Going For A Bikini Wax

The first rip is the deepest.

1. Time for the salon aka THE HOUSE OF PAIN.

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2. Your weird new age music won’t fool me. Why are there no windows in this room?

3. She’s preparing the wax. Gulp.

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4. Why did I have to choose TODAY to wear Sponge Bob underpants? Whatever, time to strip.

5. I’m naked. I’m 100% naked. She must have seen a lot of lady gardens in her career. I wonder if I’m normal down there?

HBO

6. Should I ask?

7. I guess if I was SEVERELY abnormal she’d have gasped or something?

8. Oh, she wants to small talk.

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9. Is it weird we’re talking about Beyoncé & the weather while she’s staring straight at my cootchie?

10. No time to freak out. The wax is on.

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11. She’s starting on the thigh. Time to calm down.

12. Here we go…

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13. AND PULLLL!

14. That was definitely more than a ‘mild stinging sensation’.

15. Time for the real deal, she’s going for the landing strip.

16. Rrrrrrrip!

17.

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18. SHE’S TORN OFF AN ENTIRE LAYER OF MY VUVLA.

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19. And she’s still going.

20. SHR827&^$GJAGHJFS

21. My poor little innocent vagina hairs!

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22. There’s more wax.

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23. She’s flipped me over. She’s right by the poop chute. YOU DON’T WANNA GO THERE LADY!

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24. Do you think she can tell how much I’m sweating/crying/wishing I was dead?

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25. Stupid Groupon. WHY DIDN’T I GO FOR A SCANDINAVIAN DRINK COZIE INSTEAD OF THIS TORTURE?

26. “That’s it we’re all done”.

27. But why does it still hurt?

28. I need to go lie down in a shallow pool of water.

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29. “Come back in a few weeks?”

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Uh, no.

30. I’ll need some hard liquor to deal with this again.

Bravo / Via lipstickalley.com

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