1. Time for the salon aka THE HOUSE OF PAIN.
2. Your weird new age music won't fool me. Why are there no windows in this room?
3. She's preparing the wax. Gulp.
4. Why did I have to choose TODAY to wear Sponge Bob underpants? Whatever, time to strip.
5. I'm naked. I'm 100% naked. She must have seen a lot of lady gardens in her career. I wonder if I'm normal down there?
6. Should I ask?
7. I guess if I was SEVERELY abnormal she'd have gasped or something?
8. Oh, she wants to small talk.
9. Is it weird we're talking about Beyoncé & the weather while she's staring straight at my cootchie?
10. No time to freak out. The wax is on.
11. She's starting on the thigh. Time to calm down.
12. Here we go...
13. AND PULLLL!
14. That was definitely more than a 'mild stinging sensation'.
15. Time for the real deal, she's going for the landing strip.
16. Rrrrrrrip!
17. ...
18. SHE'S TORN OFF AN ENTIRE LAYER OF MY VUVLA.
19. And she's still going.
20. SHR827&^$GJAGHJFS
21. My poor little innocent vagina hairs!
22. There's more wax.
23. She's flipped me over. She's right by the poop chute. YOU DON'T WANNA GO THERE LADY!
24. Do you think she can tell how much I'm sweating/crying/wishing I was dead?
25. Stupid Groupon. WHY DIDN'T I GO FOR A SCANDINAVIAN DRINK COZIE INSTEAD OF THIS TORTURE?
26. "That's it we're all done".
27. But why does it still hurt?
28. I need to go lie down in a shallow pool of water.
29. "Come back in a few weeks?"
30. I'll need some hard liquor to deal with this again.
