1. Your bank account is now your worst enemy.
2. You don’t understand why the government needs so much of your paycheck.
3. You have thought about putting money into a 401(k).
4. You have googled what a 401(k) is.
5. You set up your internet, gas, trash, electric, and water bills, by yourself.
6. You have spent what seemed like years of your life assembling crappy Ikea furniture. You now consider yourself above Ikea, though you can’t really afford anything else.
7. Your back sometimes hurts.
8. You feel a need to eat healthier because you have realized you will one day die.
9. But then you realize you’re an adult and can eat whatever you want.
10. You actually have a five-year plan.
11. You debated whether or not to buy cable, and then decided against it, because Netflix, amirite?
12. You think about whether saying “amirite” is too childish?
13. You decide it is.
14. You buy things because they are quality and will last longer.
15. You are morally against the idea of taking a shot.
16. You start to appreciate a good bottle of wine.
17. You worry about gas prices and commute times.
18. You are appalled by the sheer number of teenagers hanging out at malls, parking lots, and movie theaters.
19. Your insides cringe when somebody pulls out their phone during a movie.
20. You debate buying generic brands to save money.
21. Your friends now ask you if your relationships are “serious” or not.
22. You are tired pretty much all the time.
23. If you’re a girl: You’ve been to the gynecologist.
24. You check your work email even when you’re not at work.
25. You have done your own taxes, and wondered whether you were doing it right the whole time.
26. Sometimes you think about whether or not you’ll be a good parent.
27. This thought terrifies you, so instead you decide to get a cat as a test run on parenthood.
28. You killed a spider in your house — because no one else was going to do it.
29. You buy toilet paper en mass.
30. You actually have things to put on your resume besides your time as a “sandwich artist” at Subway.
31. You read the news to see what the world is up to.
32. You spend a large amount of time cursing at Sallie Mae and your student loans.
33. You are more excited to shop for your new apartment than for new clothes.
34. You watch car commercials to see how much the monthly payment is.
35. You have a credit card in your own name.
36. You worry about your credit score.
37. House Hunters is suddenly very interesting.
38. You curse yourself when you stay up past midnight.
39. Naps are a distant memory.
40. You call your parents just to catch up.
41. You now have to drive yourself to the airport.
42. You bit the bullet and got a gym membership.
43. Your relatives are aggressively trying to set you up with someone nice.
44. You think longingly about a time when you had a summer vacation.
45. You spend your weekends cleaning your apartment and running errands.
46. Your list of errands has grown exponentially.
47. You begin to realize the necessity of alone time.
48. Younger people in your life are now asking for your advice. This slightly terrifies you.
49. You own dishes, pots, pans, and silverware.
50. You google prints to hang on your apartment walls in your spare time.
51. You have opened a savings account and cry when you see how little is in it.
52. You can have adult sleepovers.
53. You spend a decent amount of time wondering if you’re actually an adult.
54. You’ve gotten sick and stayed at home wishing your mom was there to take care of you.
55. Sleeping in means 9 a.m.
56. You think anyone who wants to hang out after 8 p.m. on a weeknight is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
57. Vacation days are more precious than gold.
58. You now own work clothes.
59. All of your friends are either getting married or producing spawn.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Joyce Mitchell, the prison worker who accused of helping two inmates escape from a New York prison, pleaded guilty and faces up to seven years in prison.
- The NFL has upheld Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈