1. Is everyone getting engaged but me?
2. Is there no law against inviting people to be a “fan” of their page?
3. Whose baby is this? When did everyone get a baby?
4. Is it rude to unfriend someone from high school?
5. Wait, who the balls is this person?
6. Are they actually gay or just “married” to their friend as a joke?
7. When did I become such a stalker?
8. Do people find me interesting online?
9. Why do people post so much about their private lives online?
10. Does no one use spell check?
11. They know that they’re not actually going to get two free airline tickets to Hawaii from reposting this, right?
12. Why do so many animals have their own Facebooks?
13. What will happen to my Facebook when I die?
14. Is “Facebooked” a verb?
15. How do I stop these goddamn notifications?
16. Should I take this quiz?
17. How do I change my setting to be super-duper private?
18. No one can see that I’m stalking them, right?
19. Why are you posting about your political beliefs again?
20. To your new work crush: Why won’t you accept my friend request?
21. Why aren’t there more pictures of your dog on here? (I’m not even kidding, your dog is adorable.)
22. Why are there so many hashtags?
23. Is it just me or does this person drink a lot of coffee?
24. Is this actually #nofilter? It looks like there’s a filter on here.
25. Should I be eating more brunch?
26. What app did they use to make that border?
27. What filter is that?
28. Do they even have a job? How are they always on vacation?
29. Does Beyoncé know you’re not supposed to post more than one photo in a row?
30. HOW DO I UNLIKE THE PHOTO I JUST ACCIDENTALLY LIKED WHILE STALKING THIS PERSON?
31. Do they know I’m stalking them now?
32. Is my life boring?
33. * turns phone * What is this even a picture of?
35. Are you still supposed to like the picture if they post a picture of them being injured? Or do you just comment, “Are you OK?”
36. Who is that other person in the photo? Are they dating?
37. Whose dogs/cats are these? When did everyone get a pet?
38. Why did this photo only get 10 likes? Should I take it down?
39. What hashtag should I use?
40. Are hashtags overrated?
41. * when a video automatically plays * AHH, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
42. Why is their profile private? How will I stalk them now?
43. So Twitter is basically just a Facebook status, right?
44. But why is it only 140 characters?
45. Is this too personal to tweet?
46. Why are they tweeting so much?
47. Will they know if I unfollow them?
48. Do I follow too many people?
49. What really is Twitter?
50. To RT or to not RT?
51. How do I get a famous person to tweet at me?
52. Should I add a picture to this tweet?
53. How the hell do I link to this article? Why don’t they have a share button?
54. Should I be tweeting more news stories so I seem smarter?
55. Am I retweeting too much?
56. They know this is public, right?
57. When did they change their avatar?
58. Is my bio witty enough?
59. Should I actually put what city I live in? What if someone is stalking me?
60. Why would anyone add the location to their tweets?
61. DID I JUST CLICK ON A SPONSORED TWEET?
62. Do I have to follow back my co-workers?
63. Am I using too many hashtags?
64. Who has time to do all of this?
65. Why are all these people so pretty?
66. Has chalk always been this popular?
67. I know it’s gluten-free/vegan, but there’s no way it tastes good, right?
68. Will I ever be this classy?
69. Is this what white people do in their free time?
70. How can anyone afford all these crafts?
71. Should I buy more mason jars?
72. Do boys ever use Pinterest?
73. Did Marilyn Monroe actually say all these things?
74. Why does ALL of this food look so good?
75. So “chambray” is just a jean shirt, right?
76. Wouldn’t it just be cheaper to just buy this?
77. Should I paint everything I own with gold spray paint?
78. Is it embarrassing if I make a wedding board even though I’m single as hell?
79. Is knitting cool? Should I knit?
80. Is everyone just exercising all the time?
81. Who makes all these infographics?
82. Should I start eating healthy?
83. Can I afford to eat healthy?
84. What exactly is quinoa?