101 Thoughts Office Workers Have Pretty Much Every Day

* wakes up * God, I’m already exhausted.

Comedy Central

1. * wakes up * God, I’m already exhausted.
2. Hurry up, can’t be late.
3. What if I was late? What would happen?
4. Nothing, probably.
5. Ahhh crap, I’m gonna be late.
6. Ha! Just made it, not late.
7. * turns on computer * Woah, so many emails.
8. How did I get so many emails since I left for work?
9. Ughhhh, I don’t want to answer these.
10. What did people do before email? Just stare at papers?
11. I need coffee.
12. I’ll just go on a coffee break, then I’ll answer my emails.
13. Why is there never any coffee in the pot?
14. I guess I’ll just have to make it myself.
15. * hums internally *
16. Now, creamer or milk?
17. What is creamer made of anyway? Why does it never expire?!
18. I’m hungry.
19. What should I eat for lunch? Ughhh, it’s only 10, lunch is so far away.
20. Are there any snacks lying around here?
21. Is it too early for a snack?
22. It’s too early for a snack.
23. Now what? Oh yes, work.
24. ACK! There are more emails than there were before!

25. I wonder who’s on gchat?
26. What did people do before gchat? Email chain letters?
27. Oh no, too many gchats windows.
28. What time was my meeting again?
30. We really do have a lot of meetings around here.
31. Does everyone have this many meetings?
32. Is adulthood just one giant meeting?!
33. * drawing doodles on notepad * How much longer is this meeting?
34. I need to pee.
35. Am I allowed to leave to pee during this meeting?
36. Should I raise my hand?
37. Oooo, it’s almost lunch.
38. Ugh, what do I want for lunch?
39. I should eat a salad.
40. I don’t want to eat a salad.
41. Why are salads so expensive?
42. I should really start packing my lunch, it will save so much money.
43. Nevermind, I’ll just go to the same place I always do.
44. Am I boring?
45. Is no one else weirded out by the fact that we’re all just supposed to work 40 hours a week for the rest of our lives until we’re too old to work?!
46. I think I need new pens, these ones don’t write as well as my old ones.
47. And I should really get some new Post-Its too.

48. I wonder what’s going on in the supply closet.
49. JACKPOT, they got new highlighters!
50. ORANGE HIGHLIGHTER?! That’s just crazy. Crazy highlighter alert.
51. Is it wrong to steal one of these and take it home? You know, just in case I need to highlight something?
52. What would happen if they caught me?
53. You know what, I deserve this highlighter. I work my ass off for this company.
54. Also, if they catch me I guess I could just say it was an accident.
55. How am I still hungry? I just ate lunch.
56. Ahhhhhh, more emails.
57. Is this even humanly possible?
58. IS IT ONLY 1:30?!
59. I’m going to die in this office. I might as well just sleep here, then I wouldn’t have to pay rent.
60. I wonder what’s happening on Facebook?
61. * looks over shoulder for boss * FACEBOOK TIME.
62. Better open an excel sheet in case anyone important walks by.
63. Everyone on Facebook is THE WORST!
64. Where do people even find this stuff to post?
65. Oh no, my co-worker requested to be my friend.
66. WHAT DO I DO?!
67. They know we’re not actually friends right?
68. If I deny their request, will they be able to tell?
69. Oh shit, my boss is coming.
70. * furiously tries to close window with Facebook just as computer decides to stop working *
72. Phew it closed, just made it. Better open my emails.
73. 157 emails?! When will I ever have time to answer these?
74. I feel like there was something I was going to buy on Amazon earlier, what was it?

20th Century Fox

75. Maybe I”ll just look up flights to Vegas for my next vacation.
76. How many vacation days do I actually have left?
77. Not enough.
78. I need a raise, or a promotion.
79. I work really hard.
80. Well actually not that hard, but definitely as hard as everyone else.
81. I wonder if we’re getting bonuses this year?
82. Crap, I need to pee again.
83. I need to stop drinking so many liquids.
84. If I didn’t have to pee so often then maybe I would have time to answer all these damn emails.
85. Have they invented a robot that pees for you yet? I mean it’s 2014, there should be a robot that does that by now.
86. I wonder if they’d let me have an assistant, or at least an intern?
87. Oh my god, IT’S ALMOST TIME TO GO!!! * sings * Hallelujah, hallelujah!
88. Crap, I still have so much to do.
89. Where did my whole day go?!
90. This is why I need an assistant, I’m too busy.
91. I guess I’m going to have to stay late tonight.
92. HAHAHA, who am I kidding?
94. 119, 118, 117……. hmm it might be a bit much to count down the seconds.
95. Better start quietly preparing my bag so I can get the balls outta here.
96. Crap I don’t want to be the first one to leave, then everyone will think I’m a slacker.
97. What can I do to kill some time?
98. I know! I’ll do one last pass at my email so I look like I’m being productive.
99. 293 emails?!?!?!?!?!
100. Eh…. I’ll just deal with those tomorrow.

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