1. You never got balloons at school like all the other cool kids.
2. And you didn’t get a special class dedication with a song or cupcakes.
3. Once the school year ended, you didn’t even see half the people till next year.
4. The Cancer zodiac sign is complete bullshit.
It looks like a 69 symbol and it’s represented by a crab.
5. It’s always so effing hot outside. You could actually bake cookies in your car.
7. Or at the pool, where it’s so ridiculously crowded you can’t even breathe.
8. You may even try a theme park, and then realize EVERYONE ON THE PLANET IS ALREADY THERE.
10. Because it’s summer and they already have vacation plans.
11. Or they’re doing something work-related in another city.
12. You don’t even get that many Facebook birthday wishes because everyone is outside.
WE CAN’T WIN.