1. You’re suspicious of any “life hack” that contains the phrases “in five minutes” or “in four easy steps.”
2. You signed up for Pinterest in a moment of inspiration but then quickly lost interest, so your board is…pretty bare.
3. And, to you, homemaking books and shows are basically speculative fiction.
4. Every time you try to cook, you either end up with a disaster…
Somehow this isn’t what the recipe image looked like.
5. …or an actual kitchen fire.
6. (But you’re a pro at cereal and PB&J.)
(And ordering delivery.)
7. You tried knitting, but neither your hands nor the tools were doing what they’re SUPPOSED to do.
ISN’T THIS MEANT TO BE RELAXING?
8. You’re often too impatient to give the necessary attention to detail.
9. And sometimes you’re not the best at following directions, so you wing it more than you should.
10. When you DO follow directions and it STILL doesn’t come out right, your fury knows no bounds.
FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL!
11. Where you’ve tried to add whimsy, you’ve left a trail of nightmares.
12. The finished product maaaaybe tastes good, but it still looks terrifying.
13. So when your friends suggest a dinner party or potluck, you know you’ll be bringing something store-bought.
14. You like the *idea* of wearing something you made with your own hands, but when you realized how long that would take you were like, “But I can just buy a sweater?”
15. You dabbled in urban gardening (homegrown basil!) but the plants wilted in a matter of weeks.
Oh right. Water.
16. You’ve destroyed innumerable items of clothing in your attempts to customize them.
“What could be so hard about turning a regular shirt into a crop? Just grab some scissors!”
17. If a project requires anything more than, like, scissors and glue, you are at a loss.
Is Mod Podge even real.
18. And you suspect that you shouldn’t be trusted with the more advanced tools.
19. You go through phases of picking up new and different hobbies.
Time to learn how to pickle!
20. But this also means that abandoned projects are hidden around your apartment, evidence of your failure.
Like all of those unraveling squares that were one day going to be scarves. Or something.