1. DON’T TALK BACK.
This isn’t even an option — it’s the sacred rule you must live by at all times.
2. Never put your bag on the ground because it’s bad luck.
Not only will you lose money, you’ll also get yelled at by your mother.
3. If you don’t cover yourself up 100 percent during the winter, you will get sick.
You had to look like Randy from A Christmas Story or you wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house.
4. Sleeping with your hair wet means you will get pneumonia.
Science has yet to prove this, but if your parents caught you with one wet strand of hair, your life was over.
5. “Sana Sana colita de rana,” solved everything.
This rhyme + vapor rub = a godsend that would cure whatever sickness you had.
6. Wear slippers or else you will get sick.
Even if your house is carpeted, slippers are to be worn at all times.
7. Anything can and will become tupperware.
Latino parents were the first environmentalists without even trying to.
8. Everything has multiple purposes.
That broken hanger in your closet is now the car’s antenna, the TV’s antenna, and all around item that solves all problems.
9. Don’t let anyone sweep near or on your feet or you’ll never get married.
But then they’d sweep at your feet to get you to move out of their way.
10. Don’t ever open an umbrella inside the house because it’s also bad luck.
Just always listen to your parents when it comes to these rules.
11. Don’t act up or else the chancla will come at you.
And if there wasn’t a chancleta around, a belt or a wooden spoon would be its replacement in a minute.
12. To always eat your three meals a day or be forced to make up for it one meal.
And when you’re away from them, they will call you everyday and remind you to eat.
13. Everyone in your family has worked harder than you.
They’ve done the most impossible of jobs, so don’t complain about cleaning the dishes when your grandma used to have no dishes.
14. Respect your elders because they know EVERYTHING.
But seriously respect them or you will get yelled at by each of your 40 cousins for weeks on end.
15. Don’t ask to sleepover at your friend’s house.
The idea of sleeping over a stranger’s house was ludicrous and crazy so the closest you ever got to a sleepover was watching Grease.
16. You’ll learn all your moves from them.
You better dance, you better move, and you better keep up.
17. To always over exaggerate what time it actually is.
They’ll accuse you of coming home at 3 a.m. when it was really 11 p.m.
18. Don’t ask for money to eat out.
Even if the fridge only had two eggs and mustard, your parents are so resourceful they’d make a meal out of that.
19. They’ll send you outside but only to complain about how you’re out too much.
You will always be told you’re never home and you came home too late.
20. If you want to whine, they’ll give you something actually to whine about.
Whether it was a quiet “ow,” or a playful fight with your sibling, be prepared for the backlash.
21. They taught you how to cook from the moment you could walk.
And by the time you were 11, you knew Adobo is the only ingredient you need at all times.
22. They’ll never stop reminding you that you’ll need to take care of them when they’re old.
They helped raise you so you’ll help them lift heavy objects and anything else they need.
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