1. You know that some Jews live outside of North West London. But that doesn't stop them being a very rare breed.
2. Your family has subscribed to this for as long as you can remember.
Your Grandma reads the whole thing. Your parents read it to find out who has died. You used to know the bar and bat mitzvah kids. And now you know the people who are getting married.
3. You fully intend to marry a Jew, but you've stopped telling people that because they look at you like you're racist.
4. Every time you meet a Jewish person of your age, you spend five minutes discussing who you have in common. Ninety percent of the time, you'll then find out you're related.
5. At least one of your friends became Orthodox on year course, got married and now has a baby.
6. You secretly judge anyone who buys bagels from Sainsbury's.
It's Daniels or NOTHING.
7. If you were in a Facebook relationship with bacon, it would be "complicated".
8. Talking of food, there are few things you love more than Chabad.
9. Except maybe smoked salmon. This is basically what the inside of your fridge looks like.
10. One word: TOUR.
11. You feel very defensive about what you do on Christmas Day.
12. You never pulled sickies to get out of school, because you had to save them up for Cheder.
13. You have an uncle whose favourite fact is that EVERYONE famous is Jewish.
14. You have another uncle who is always right about the situation in the Middle East.
15. That said, you still get really nervous every time Israel is mentioned on the BBC.
16. You don't even bother asking Jewish couples how they met.
17. You're secretly quite excited about visiting JW3, but you're not sure how cool that is.
18. There is at least one other denomination of British Judaism you are completely bewildered by.
19. Apart from when people are antisemitic towards them, in which case you've totally got their back.
20. So, even thought we're a varied bunch, we'll always all have Carmelli's, easyJet flights to TLV, and a British take on Jewish guilt.
21. And of course, despite being a tiny population of just 260,000 (that's 0.5% of the UK population), we share in something so much bigger, something most of the other 14 million Jews around the world do: chicken soup.
