23 Things That Are Better Than Justin Bieber

It’s Justin Bieber’s mom’s birthday today, and in a cruel but funny turn of events, #ThingsBetterThanBieber is trending on Twitter.

Some of them are probably not strictly accurate:

1.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber passing a kidney stone

— James_Hoyle (@JamesHoyle) April 2, 2012

Source: @JamesHoyle

2.

#thingsbetterthanbieber getting repeatedly hit with a spiked stick.

— ~ Ben (◠.◠) ~ (@_BenjiJack) April 2, 2012

Source: @_BenjiJack

3.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber my poop

— José Román (@J0seR0man) April 2, 2012

Source: @J0seR0man

Image by MARIO ANZUONI / Reuters

4.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber mowing a football pitch with your teeth.

— Romz (@Rominahhh) April 2, 2012

Source: @Rominahhh

5.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber the plague

— meg jones (@MeggJ14) April 2, 2012

Source: @MeggJ14

6.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber shaving w/ a knife .

— ✌ , ♡ , & ツ & † (@BellaCosaa___) April 2, 2012

Source: @BellaCosaa___

7.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber having lunch with The Manson Family.

— Melanie Rosato (@mbkittylick) April 2, 2012

Source: @mbkittylick

8.

Rebecca Black....and I can't stand her. #ThingsBetterThanBieber

— Akilah Martin™ (@Akiilah_Jahhnay) April 2, 2012

Source: @Akiilah_Jahhnay

9.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber getting mauled by a mountain lion.

— Aaron Zimmerman (@AaronJZimmerman) April 2, 2012

Source: @AaronJZimmerman

10.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber death.

— Jessica Fitzpatrick (@95Fitzpatrick) April 2, 2012

Source: @95Fitzpatrick

11.

#thingsbetterthanbieber Myspace .

— Star Schwag★(@Lil_MinnieMe) April 2, 2012

Source: @Lil_MinnieMe

Others are more so:

12.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber dial up internet.

— Tommy Pickles. (@fuxkyathoughts) April 2, 2012

Source: @fuxkyathoughts

13.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber PEETA MELLARK.

— Christina Aronowitz (@ChipmunkTina) April 2, 2012

Source: @ChipmunkTina

14.

#thingsbetterthanbieber watching paint dry

— Jack Smith (@Jack_Smith96) April 2, 2012

Source: @Jack_Smith96

15.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber chopping onions

— - Jaanki Kashmiri(@jaankik) April 2, 2012

Source: @jaankik

16.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber pizza

— Samantha Starkey (@samstarrrkey) April 2, 2012

Source: @samstarrrkey

17.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber school.

— الحمد لله (@C0LEBlooded) April 2, 2012

Source: @C0LEBlooded

Some are oddly promotional:

18.

#thingsbetterthanbieber vlasic dill pickles.

—Diggit★ (@ShaunaAllStar) April 2, 2012

Source: @ShaunaAllStar

I think this one refers to the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I prefer to compare Justin Bieber to fall foliage:

19.

RT @ChirpHard: #ThingsBetterThanBieber the leafs this year.

— Melanie Balzia (@Melbalzia1) April 2, 2012

Source: @Melbalzia1

It is his mom’s birthday, after all:

20.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber his mom

— Jordan Morales (@JorgyTheOrgy) April 2, 2012

Source: @JorgyTheOrgy

Some tweeters lamented the limitations of the form:

21.

#ThingsBetterThanBieber Twitter was cruel to limit us to 140 characters for this

— {E♥}™ Elizabeth Eff (@WordssOfTheWise) April 2, 2012

Source: @WordssOfTheWise

Others simply embraced them:

22.

#thingsbetterthanbieber everything

— the william(@WillyWaff) April 2, 2012

Source: @WillyWaff

23.

NOTHING ! #ThingsBetterThanBieber

— Erin Chau (@erinluvsbrazil) April 2, 2012

Source: @erinluvsbrazil