1. Being asked to hang out after you just settled in at home.
2. Attempting a grand romantic gesture.
“Can I please just use my words?”
3. Being the victim of a prank.
“There’s a time and place for that sort of thing, which is never and nowhere.”
4. Any interaction that begins with the words, “change of plans.”
5. When your friend in a different city asks you to visit them.
6. Or when your friend in a different city asks if they can stay with you for “a couple of days.”
“…but FOR REAL, how long?”
7. Really, anything that will keep you up past your carefully scheduled bedtime.
“Scheduled” being the operative word.
8. When someone tries to talk you into skipping class with them.
“But I did my homework.”
9. When something beyond your control prevents you from buying the brand you’re comfortable with.
“Out of my toothpaste? I guess I’m not brushing tonight.”
10. Road trips.
“Where are we going and why?”
11. When a stranger tries to make small talk.
“I’m not really interested in meeting anybody new right now.”
12. Or when a distant acquaintance tries to take your friendship to the next level.
“You’re asking a lot of me right now.”
13. When your friends want to go to a different bar.
“What’s wrong with our regular bar?”
14. When someone wants to sneak into a different movie.
“We see what we originally paid for or we see nothing.”
15. Being the ~lucky~ recipient of a surprise party.
“Is there a reason I wasn’t allowed to know about this?”
16. Birthdays, generally.
Once a year, you’re forced to expect the unexpected.
17. Going to a restaurant you know nothing about.
“Excuse me while I consult Yelp.”
18. When your doorbell rings and you’re not expecting anyone.
“Time to turn off all the lights and sit in silence for the rest of the night.”
19. Getting a call from a restricted number.
The stuff nightmares are made of.
20. When someone tries to talk you into “exploring.”
“No, we should NOT check out this abandoned building.”
21. Really anything that might be considered an “adventure.”
In an ideal world, it would have never started.
22. When someone checks your iTunes play count.
“Don’t you ever judge me. I know what I like.”
23. When someone uses the justification “you only live once” to try to get you to participate in their madness.
“Please tell me more about that.”