Helpful hint: read all these fireworks’ names in the style of that guy who does the voiceovers on The X Factor.
Because they all sound like bands Louis Walsh would champion at the judge’s house stage of the competition.
1. THE PULVERIZER
“Red and green pearls to fanned red and green peonies, glittering comet tails to fanned red and silver whistling and crackling comet tails, blue and silver palms with time rain, fanned palms, multi-coloured peonies and a crackling, whistling multi shellburst finale.”
Which could be improved only with the addition of one Judith Sheindlin.
3. MONKEY BUSINESS
Ok, not a particularly over-the-top name but the monkey here is on an unfortunate acid trip.
5. And MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS
If you need to ask “how mad is a box of frogs?” then you won’t even be able to comprehend it.
6. For an angry take on the rainbow aesthetic, there’s the ULTIMATE BATTLE OF COLOURS.
I think the Incredible Hulk (who is purple now, naturally) is in a fight with that guy made of bricks from the Fantastic Four.
8. PARADISE PALMS, which is undoubtedly also the name of a resort in Magaluf.
“Wave after wave of multi-coloured palms followed by peonies in silver, red, purple and orange and a superb multishot peony finale with crackle, glitter, loud reports [and a half-price round of mini golf if you order a full English breakfast at Admiral Jack’s on the seafront].”
15. NUCLEAR DEMOLITION
Because that’s just the sort of Bonfire Night firefight you want to set off, right?
16. Or in other signs of the apocalypse, a RADIATION OUTBREAK
p.s. This is the best campy firework option, however:
- Mullah Omar — leader of the Taliban — has died, according to multiple reports. The Taliban has not responded to the reports.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- Michel Platini, the current UEFA president, will be a candidate in the 2016 FIFA election to replace Sepp Blatter ⚽️