•Jonathan Crane and his dad capitalize on some poor man's fear of...extremely last-minute Halloween costumes? Devils? Demons? Whatever, it works.
•Fish wakes up on what appears to be my college dorm room floor. How did she get in there? Where's the RA?
•To her credit, she may be in an actual pirate dungeon but her nails still look ~amazing.~ Even the men who are going to try and beat her up are impressed.
•Jim and Lee are on their third date and he still does not have a house or anything to offer her. I just don't believe it.
•In one fell swoop, he fails at trying to sleep with her and also gets upset that she got a job he recommended her for. See what I mean?
•Dr. Crane is doing some major DIY Fear Gland Pinterest shit up in this.
•What is he injecting? Fear juice? Isn't there some rule about never getting high on your own supply? SMH Gerald. Look at you hallucinating. You blew it. You done burned up your wife again.
•We could see Bruce Wayne doing normal little boy things like, IDK, GOING TO SCHOOL but instead we're going to let him go out into the forest by himself. No really, he's so young. Stop letting Bruce do things.
•Penguin finally gets his club (again) and he names it...Oswald's? Wait. Waaaaait.
•Harvey does a really cool over-the-shoulder handshake because he is TOO COOL for turning around.
•He's also less than delighted that Jim is dating the new medical examiner. Repeat after us: "We. Are. Harvey."
•Harvey is all "don't shit where you eat, Jim" and Jim is like, "I'll shit wherever I want."
•Fish does not know where she is, why she is there, or what is going on but goddamn if she's not going to take this shit over. Fish is the kind of lady who gets bored in line at the post office and stages a coup just for laughs.
•Bruce is traipsing through the woods. Alone. After the assassins came to his house a few weeks ago. Tra la la.
•This high school principal is amazing. She just saved everyone three episodes' worth of work just by existing. Hire her.
•"Is someone targeting phobics? KILLING THEM? Were they missing their ADRENAL GLANDS? Were they killed by Gerald and Jonathan Crane, the future scarecrow? The future nemesis of Batman, the dark crusader of Gotham?" - that glorious principal.
•I get that Jonathan Crane is like, really emotionally cowed but he is also the most obedient teen of all time. There is no urge to rebel. He's literally cool with aiding and abetting science murder as long as his dad doesn't make him cut his hair.
•OMG Ed and Oswald meeting for the first time is such a meet cute. It's a meet cute. Look how coy Ed is. So much crime. So much friendship.
•"Son, I don't mind if you do drugs as long as you do them here in the house and I make them out of corpses" - Gerald Crane.
•He also squirted roughly half of the Fear Juice out of the syringe for dramatic effect, which seems kind of wasteful when he murdered several people to make that stuff.
•Fish's new friend in the Pirate Keep looks at her the way Butch looks at her, with a mixture of attraction and wondering if she is, in fact, his mother.
•Bruce is getting emotional doing the annual trip to the father-son rock pile :(
•And now he's...falling down a hill. Can we get a gif of that? I feel bad but we should definitely make a gif of that.
•Hey Bruce. Bruce. Bruuuuce. Hey Bruce. WHY DO WE FALL? LOL.
•If you thought Gerald Crane couldn't amp up the crazy any more, now he's running around trying to forcefully inject his son with the Fear Juice.
•Wow it's like this is an explicit origin story or something.
•"What's up, Doc?" says Fish, confirming the presence of Bugs Bunny in this universe. Take that and run with it, fandom.
•Alfred just let Bruce climb up a hill with a broken leg because character-building. Can we not traumatize the billionaire orphan? Alfred is a dick.
•Alfred is a hot dad, so of course he's a dick.
•But them watching the sunrise is actually pretty cute, even if Alfred just called Bruce "Master B."
•Continuing in Oswald's strong Cobblepot tradition of "occasionally succeeding in a very punk rock fashion," he throws a party at his new club and almost no one shows up. Don't worry, boo, one day you're gonna run this shit. Pinky promise.
•Also leave it to Maroni to waste all that good champagne. I know you just came back from sexually humiliating a federal judge but come on, someone has to clean that up.
•Can we go back to that for a second? Everyone is always trying to save Penguin's ass by trading stuff, which means that Oswald is worth AT LEAST one really large plot of land and the career/life/well-being of a civil servant. Everything's kind of coming up Cobblepot tbh.
•Except the guy can't throw a party for his life.
•" No more heroes anymore," chants Penguin's in-house Green Day cover band. Because prequel.
•How is Lee totally unaware of how inappropriate it is to kiss a coworker during work hours? She is a doctor. A DOCTOR. And they've only been on three dates.
•Also yeah let's go to the circus it will be fine, we live in Gotham City where nothing weird ever happens so let's throw in some clowns.
•This doctor at the hospital is really great at breaking bad news. "I'm sorry Mr. Gordon, but it appears that this boy is a scarecrow now." Welcome to the gallery, baby Crane!
•And that, best beloved, is how supervillains are made!
How does becoming a city of brotherly love affect the arrival of The Bat-Man? Let's consult the—
Until then — WHY DO WE FALL, BRUCE?
