1. You buy the game, thinking this isn’t going to be like last year.
You will play an hour a day, and only after you’ve finished all your work and done the washing up.
2. But the reality soon becomes this.
Just one more game.
3. You remember how impossible the game is when you first start.
Losing 8-0 to Torquay? Yep, seems legit.
4. Especially when you play as a big team, because all your players literally HATE you.
“You think we’re taking orders from you? LOL.”
5. You break a couple of letters off your keyboard in frustration.
How often do you really need the ‘c’ or ‘v’ though, right?
6. But after a few sleepless nights and a few missed deadlines, things begin to pick up.
I remember why I love this now.
7. This leads to more sleepless nights.
Margaret Thatcher only had four hours sleep, and all she had to do was run a country. Thisis Football Manager. It’s far more serious.
8. And more missed deadlines.
The “I had a crucial League Cup third round replay” excuse doesn’t wash with everyone, apparently.
9. Before long, you come to consider managing your team as your full-time job, and your actual work as the distracting side note.
This is what we do now. This is who we are.
10. The sacking of any real life manager begins to feel desperately unfair, no matter how badly they were doing.
They would have turned it around. Solidarity, my friend.
11. It’s a couple of seasons in, and you win your first trophy. You dance around your room like an idiot.
You don’t even think twice about what you’re actually celebrating.
12. But far from this giving any kind of respite, this is when things start to get really intense.
Who needs food? I can get all the nutrients I require from silverware.
13. Transfer negotiations basically become full-blown warfare.
You will pay me that extra £0.5million. This is a matter of PRIDE.
14. And the important games have you jumping around and screaming like you’re actually on the touchline.
They still can’t hear you.
15. You wonder why you’ve developed an irrational hatred for some of your real life favourite players.
Before realising it’s because they missed training in your FM save.
16. You start to wear a suit for cup finals.
This isn’t embarrassing, right? This is cool. Guys?
17. Every defeat feels like you’ve been literally stabbed through the heart.
18. You get so good you start to wonder if maybe you should get your coaching badges and become a real life footy boss.
How much harder can it really be?
19. Before remembering that would involve you leaving the house.
20. You draw up a list of every young player your team should sign in real life, based purely on the game.
His dribbling stat gets to 19 in 2019, we have to sign him.
21. And on the rare occassion you actually see your friends, you have entire conversations based around footballers you’ve never really seen play.
“Yeah, he’s my left back. You should see his tackling, it’s incredible. What does he look like? In real life? Not a clue.”
22. Actually, you’ve played for so long that the game is almost entirely made up of computer generated players who don’t even exist.
And you talk about them with your friends too.
23. “Managed York City to the 2035 Champions League trophy” is something you actually put on your CV.
Mainly because you haven’t achieved anything outside of your laptop screen in many, many months.
24. Then, out of nowhere, when everything had been going so well, you descend into an inexplicable and wholly torturous losing streak.
And whatever you do, you can’t get out of it.
25. You start to go a bit crazy.
And begin to miss that significant other who dumped you months ago because of your obsession.
27. “Right, that’s the last time. I’m never buying this game ever again.”