The Domino’s Pizza Tracker, for those who are somehow unfamiliar, allows you to track every stage of your pizza’s preparation and delivery.
It is, perhaps, the invention that has best defined the human race. And it inspires many thoughts as you wait for your pizza.
1. “My order has been placed and I am the Lord of online pizza summoning.”
If you build it,* they will come.**
2. “They are prepping the pizza to my exact specifications. Does my power know no limit?”
Am I too powerful?
3. “Hold up. I can customize the Pizza Tracker?”
Duh I’m going to go with the tropical beach theme.
4. “Wait. There’s a ROMANCE theme?”
Like the romance between me and an entire medium pizza, half spinach and mushroom, half sausage and jalapeño? Light sauce? Extra cheese?
5. “I’m sorry. There’s a METAL theme?!”
I hope I can learn how to wield all this power in a responsible manner.
6. “My pizza is finally baking. It’s gone from a mere concept to a physical reality.”
I am changing the world.
8. “I’m going to leave my pizza maker an encouraging comment.”
We are changing the world, Rof.
9. “Get the #%&$ out of here. The Pizza Tracker is interactive?”
This little baker dude does stuff when I press on him. He does my bidding.
Am… am I a god?
10. “Mmmm. Pizza power.”
Pizza and power. Power and pizza.
12. “Am I seriously going to eat this entire pizza.”
I mean. Obviously. But should I?
13. “Do you think ranch dressing goes with pizza.”
Don’t tell anyone I thought that.
14. “Oh, they’re doing a quality check! And boxing it! Finally!”
*performs ancient pizza dance*
15. “Still doing a quality check!”
*performs less-enthused ancient pizza shuffle*
16. “Seriously, how long does it take to check a pizza.”
This is some high-quality shit.
17. “Out for delivery!”
Should I make a grilled cheese sandwich to tide me over?
20. “I wonder what Rof is thinking about right now.”
Is he thinking of me as I am thinking of him?