15 Moves All Lefties Constantly Do

Do the southpaw shuffle.

1. The Funky Chicken Wing

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When to do it: When you're the only lefty dining among a horde of righties.

How to do it: Lift your left arm to a 90 degree angle and spin in your chair, knocking everyone in the face while yelling "FUNKY." Then flap your arm like a wing as your hapless victims struggle to retrieve their utensils.

2. The Can-Can Opener

Via reddit.com

When to do it: When your hand is cramping into a hideous claw from attempting to use a standard can opener that's dripping with right privilege.

How to do it: Perform a regular can-can but with your hands positioned over your heard like gnarled monster claws. Finish by saying "more like CAN'T opener, am I right?" to an empty room.

3. The Hot Pan Twist

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When to do it: When you're using a pot or pan that has a pour lip on the WRONG SIDE.

How to do it: Contort yourself into a neat little pretzel. Spill everything on floor.

4. Let's Not Call This Move "Scissoring"

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When to do it: After completely mangling a piece of paper by using right-handed scissors.

How to do it: Tie scissors to both your hands (Ask a dance partner for help!) and run down a busy street while screaming to the beat.

5. The Spiral Notebook Swing

Via anindyachr.blogspot.com

When to do it: When your left hand bears the painful indentations of a spiral notebook or binder.

How to do it: Make a swift chopping motion with your left hand as you throw your spiral notebooks over a cliff.

6. The Lead Headbang

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When to do it: When the side of your hand is covered in lead because the Lead And Pink Industrial Complex has a vendetta against lefties.

How to do it: Break a number two pencil between your teeth as you thrash uncontrollably.

7. The Last-Lefty-Baseball-Glove-In-Gym-Class Jitterbug

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When to do it: When you're left with that one sweat-encrusted glove for left-handed people that's so rarely used it's taken on a second job as a spider hotel.

How to do it: Pinch the offending glove between two fingers and wave it around while shaking your hips and wrinkling your nose, vigorously.

8. The Awkward Desk Slide

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When to do it: Whenever you find yourself facing a classroom filled with desks ONLY MADE FOR RIGHTIES.

How to do it: Slide to the left. Now slide to the right. Now slide right out of the room, because this is @#$%^&*!.

9. The Presidential Pop-And-Lock

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When to do it: When you remember that a disproportionately high number of U.S. presidents have been left-handed. Which is neat, is all.

How to do it: Wave both hands in the air like you just don't care (although you secretly really do).

10. The Hugger Mugger

Via tumblr.com

When to do it: When you buy a cute mug or teacup and can't see the design because it's painted on the wrong side.

How to do it: Clasp your mug close to your heart with both hands and then fling it out of an open window. Hop twice, then repeat.

11. The Crazy Car Roll

Via latimes.com

When to do it: When you become incredibly frustrated that, across much of the globe, everything safe, fun, and important about driving is located on the wrong side of the car.

How to do it: Wait until your favorite song begins to play. Then hug your knees to your chest, open the door, and slowly roll out onto the street.

12. The Credit Card Machine Mash

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Fox

When To Do It: When you attempt to pay for something but have to perform gymnastics to slide your card and sign for it.

How To Do It: Leap onto the cashier's counter and, with a series of small kicks, smash the credit card machine while shaking your hips in a sexy, violent manner.

13. The Sad Artist Shimmy

Meg Wilson / Via bunluvbaby.tumblr.com

When To Do It: When your beautiful masterpiece is ruined because you've had to pass your hand all over it while working.

How To Do It: Stare at your work until tears dance out of your eyeballs and down your cheeks.

14. The "OMG You're A Lefty" Merengue

IFC / Via cyclonelife.net

When To Do It: Every time someone asks "you're a lefty????" or "HOW DO YOU WRITE LIKE THAT????"

How To Do It: Force the corners of your mouth up while making your eyes go dead. Then grind aggressively on the person making the observation.

15. The Ned Flanders

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When To Do It: Whenever you feel like celebrating left-handed crusader Ned Flanders.

How To Do It: Grow a mustache. Then twist said mustache while singing "Hidy-ho, neighbor!" and shaking your butt.

Get it, lefties.

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