1. Sleepovers? Nope.
Sleeping over at other people’s houses was not a part of your childhood. Your parents just couldn’t trust that your friends’ parents wouldn’t let their kids do whatever they wanted, like stay up all night eating jellybeans or robbing convenience stores.
2. Then, again, you were the “good kid” with the strict parents, so other parents always wanted their kids to hang out with you.
They knew your parents wouldn’t put up with any nonsense and would only permit a moderate amount of fun at any given time.
3. Plus, your parents were perpetual chaperones.
You couldn’t go out with friends without knowing that your mom or dad was nearby, just to make sure you weren’t smoking up some drugs with a biker gang on the internet or anything.
4. You didn’t even need a curfew.
…because that would imply you went out enough to warrant a set time to come home.
5. A lot of pop culture references from childhood fly over your head now.
…because you weren’t allowed to watch MTV or PG-13 movies or anything remotely interesting to kids your age. #NotAll90sKids
6. Also, you knew better than to ask to dye your hair.
While you watched, longingly, as many of your friends went through a Manic Panic phase, your parents threatened to (lovingly?) disown you if you even thought about dying your hair purple.
7. And dating?
Don’t make me laugh. And then cry. And then laugh again, right before crying.
8. And you knew the pain of having your fashion choices vetoed.
Mini skirts? Baggy jeans? Crop tops? Novelty T-shirt proclaiming that you were a “Female Body Inspector”? Totally out of the question.
9. And an allowance? Ha.
Your parents knew the first thing you’d buy with your own money is something that you love and they hate, like a tattoo or any sort of social currency.
10. But you knew a way around that: Grandparents.
Save that birthday money up and use it to buy something your parents will never, ever, ever see you wear.
11. …Because you were a stealth ninja master when it came to changing the second you left the house.
At home: Clark Kent. Hanging out with friends: Superman. In a crop top.
12. That phase you went through where you thought it might be cool to call your parents by their first names?
Lasted 7.3 nanoseconds.
13. And then there were the constant texts.
“hi. where r u? love, dad.”
14. And constant voicemails.
Raving like lunatics, basically. Or leaving a message saying “Hi! Just checking in. It’s me.” I know.
15. And constantly hiring private investigators to tail you.
I mean, not really. But they’ve thought about it.
16. But you know, deep down, that they were just trying to show how much they love you.
Aw, you guys.
17. …And that they were probably right about a thing or two.
Don’t tell them I said that.