2. First Week of School: Budweiser
Quick, think of a beer! Any beer. You thought of Budweiser. You’re getting a Budweiser. It’s OK for now because you don’t know any better and that’s what being a freshman is all about.
3. First Time Your Fake ID Works: Yuengling
Your friend has a hi-def printer and no morals: you are now 32 years old, eight feet tall and a resident of Kalamazoo, Michigan. You take your freedom pass to the local bar and order the first thing you see — it’s probably a Yuengling. It is now your go-to beer for the rest of your life.
4. First Hookup: PBR
Finally, you’re just tipsy enough at a party to make a move on that person who wears a fedora or even better, a “Life is Good” t-shirt that you can’t help but love. Grab a trendy beer — PBR — and try to impress them with a speech about gender binaries before leaving with them.
5. Optional Pledge Week: Natty Light
Frats bring out the Natty Light for pledge week because it’s actually cheaper per-volume than water. You’ll pick up the wrong solo cup and probably contract mono, but it will all be worth it!
6. Final Exams: Lagunitas
It’s finals week and you know absolutely nothing. You resolve to study drunk because at this point, why not? The strongest beer your corner store carries is the 9.7% ABV Lagunitas, so you stock up on that and hole up in your dorm for seven days straight.
8. Back On Campus, Like A Boss: All of the Lights
It’s sophomore year — time to run the school. You already know all the places that will accept your fake ID but that doesn’t mean you’re that grown up. All of the lights — that is Natty Light, Keystone Light, Busch Light, and Coors Light are in your mini-fridge this year.
9. “On A Diet”: Budweiser Select 55
Those Freshman 15 are showing! You want to lose weight, but you can’t stop drinking beer. It’s time to become that person who drinks a light beer while everyone else is chilling with a Samuel Adams and giving you side-eye.
10. Spring Break: Corona
It’s a party in the city where the heat is on, all night on the beach ‘til the break of dawn— but what are you drinking? It feels right to drink Corona on the beach, with that cute little lime squished on top and a refreshing, salty breeze to finish off every sip.
11. Drinking Game: All of the Ices
Beer pong, flip cup, kings, Edward 40-Hands — and the list keeps going. These are games of endurance so you need beer that goes down easy like Natty Ice and Milwaukee’s Best Ice.
13. Turning 21: Heineken
The day has finally come — you’ve turned 21! What better way to celebrate your legal drinking age than by getting free forms of alcohol at every bar you go to? Start your day off right by drinking a more acceptable beer — Heineken is your choice of entry into adulthood.
14. You Are So Refined Now: Stella Artois
Now that you’re drinking legally, you’re far too worldly to buy cheap beer. Your tastes now turn to foreign imports like Stella Artois and the occasional glass of wine. Cheers, darling, you’re all class.
15. Tailgating: Shock Top
It’s game day on campus and your friends are now organized enough to get a tailgating party together! You’ve got your food, your snacks, and all you need now is a beer that says “I’m a grown up.” Shock Top definitely sounds like something a person with foresight and planning skills would drink.
16. Summer Internship: Dos Equis
Congratulations on scoring an internship where the employees will take you out for a post-work drink! You choose a beer that sounds as sophisticated as you feel and order a Dos Equis. The whole office now refers to you as “the most interesting intern in the world.”
17. Study Abroad: Guinness
You go study abroad for one reason only: to party. You will literally try every beer within reach — You’re trying to embrace the local culture, right? Depending on your country of stay, you’ll try Guinness, Aspall, Bock, Stella Artois, and lots of cider.
19. Writing Your Thesis: Rolling Rock
You have only a few hours to finish your thesis and you need a certain influence to get your writing done. Only one beer can do the job. Let the rolling begin!
20. Impending Doom of Graduation: Mystery Solo Cup
The semester is winding down, spring is in the air and suddenly, you’re in the middle of your last final and graduation is next. The only way to cope is by drinking whatever beer is in the closest red solo cup — who even knows what beer is in it but you’ll drink it anyway. YOSO! (You Only Senior Once)
21. Senior Week: Bud Light
Let’s be real. You don’t have any money to buy Guinness, so proceed with your bad habits and let the binge drinking begin with Bud Light. Round two for more things you will probably regret. #YOSO.
22. Graduation: Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale
A special occasion calls for an often times fancier ale. This will be your chance to leave beer behind and try something more potent. Try liquor or wine, then binge drink your favorite beer.
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