1. Make sure you have a ton of bratwurst.
The Gruene Woche (“Green Week”) agricultural fair is taking place in Berlin — the bratwurst above, and all the food below, were snapped there.
According to Getty, “the average German consumes 1094 animals in his or her lifetime, including four cows, four sheep, 12 geese, 37 ducks, 46 turkeys, 46 pigs and 945 chickens.”
2. And ham.
3. Don’t forget the chocolate.
They’re organic truffles.
4. Even the humble lentil has a part to play.
5. Invite German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
She is eating Dutch cheese, sniffing coffee beans, and having a moment with chocolate. This is Art.
Oh my god she’s perfect.
8. Also invite the Dutch, because they’ll bring a whole bunch of cheese.
That is enough Gouda for a whole week, maybe even two.
You would sing if you had this much Gouda too.
Just some cheese-talk.
11. Let Tony the Tiger come, but make sure he gets ample breaks.
He’ll get wicked cranky otherwise.
12. The brass band might need a break too.
Allow them to take it by a field of Dutch tulips. Remember “tulip mania?” When tulips in Holland were worth SO MUCH MONEY? And then the bubble burst? That is arguably the best part of history ever.
13. Understand that you will never own a hat as amazing as these Serbian women in traditional dress.
14. Unless you’re a Bavarian school child.
Hope they’re snapping selfies.
15. Keep your horses under control.
16. Tomatoes are so beautiful that they should be echoed in *fashion.*
Dress your vendors in red dresses, throw on some green wigs, and you’re good to go.