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How To Throw The Best Food Fair Ever

Hint: it involves Angela Merkel.

1. Make sure you have a ton of bratwurst.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

The Gruene Woche (“Green Week”) agricultural fair is taking place in Berlin — the bratwurst above, and all the food below, were snapped there.

According to Getty, “the average German consumes 1094 animals in his or her lifetime, including four cows, four sheep, 12 geese, 37 ducks, 46 turkeys, 46 pigs and 945 chickens.”

2. And ham.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

3. Don’t forget the chocolate.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

They’re organic truffles.

4. Even the humble lentil has a part to play.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

Cool lentils.

5. Invite German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Fabrizio Bensch / Reuters

She is eating Dutch cheese, sniffing coffee beans, and having a moment with chocolate. This is Art.

6.
Fabrizio Bensch / Reuters
7.
Tobias Schwarz / Reuters

Oh my god she’s perfect.

8. Also invite the Dutch, because they’ll bring a whole bunch of cheese.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

That is enough Gouda for a whole week, maybe even two.

9.
Sean Gallup / Getty Images

You would sing if you had this much Gouda too.

10.
Sean Gallup / Getty Images

Just some cheese-talk.

11. Let Tony the Tiger come, but make sure he gets ample breaks.

Thomas Peter / Reuters

He’ll get wicked cranky otherwise.

12. The brass band might need a break too.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

Allow them to take it by a field of Dutch tulips. Remember “tulip mania?” When tulips in Holland were worth SO MUCH MONEY? And then the bubble burst? That is arguably the best part of history ever.

13. Understand that you will never own a hat as amazing as these Serbian women in traditional dress.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

14. Unless you’re a Bavarian school child.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

Hope they’re snapping selfies.

15. Keep your horses under control.

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

16. Tomatoes are so beautiful that they should be echoed in *fashion.*

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

Dress your vendors in red dresses, throw on some green wigs, and you’re good to go.

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Senior editor, noted cactus-killer.
 
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