How To Throw An Absurdly Phallic Bachelorette Party

Turns out literally everything can be penis-shaped. NSFW, obvs.

1. Send out your invitations in advance.

Your guests need time to get in the zone. Available here.

ID: 863173

2. The night of, take a shower.

Get a set of 9 soaps here, which is definitely enough soap to last you until the wedding.

ID: 863241

3. Get your nails did.

Available here.

ID: 863161

4. Get dressed.

Everyone sees a different pattern in the ink blot. It’s science.

ID: 863414

5. Don’t forget your bling!

The listing is careful to specify that this ring is for your finger.

ID: 863152

These glow in the dark; perfect for keeping track of your friends in a crowded club.

ID: 1077102

7. Decorate.

Aww. Available here.

ID: 863411

If you’re at a bar, you probably shouldn’t hang pictures, but otherwise go to town. These would also make delightful gifts for a pair of newlyweds without much home decor. Buy it here.

ID: 863277

Get one of these incredible prints from Happenis.

ID: 863327

Available here.

ID: 1077126

11. Set the mood.

Again: not so great for a bar. You’ll make all the other patrons jealous. Buy them here.

ID: 863412

12. Is it a Christmastime bachelorette party? That’s the best kind.

Ornament available here.

ID: 863158

13. Set out food for your guests.

Get the toppers here.

ID: 863185

14. Or just munch on some goodies.

Available here.

ID: 1075735

15. If you’re going for savory rather than sweet, there’s no such thing as too much salt and pepper.

Get them here.

ID: 863340

16. (Make sure to wear an apron.)

Available here.

ID: 863218

17. (You don’t want to get flour on your pasties.)

Available here.

ID: 863168

18. If you or your guests are tired, drink a cup of coffee or two.

Available here.

ID: 863213

19. Unless you prefer tea.

Available here.

ID: 1077105

20. Then start popping bottles.

Buy it here.

ID: 863250

This reads “She Finally Picked One.” Cool. Available here.

ID: 1075021

22. Play some games.

The object of this Pictionary*-esque game is to disguise a picture of a penis with as creative a drawing as you can think of.

*The obvious thing to say here is “dicktionary,” but you and I are both much too clever for that.

ID: 863418

This is Bingo except instead of numbers there are just euphemisms for penises.

ID: 863423

24. Present the bride with her tiara.

Fit for the Duchess of Cambridge herself. Available here.

ID: 863347

25. When it’s time to go, give everyone the perfect party favor.

Nobody can say no to a flying penis charm. It’ll be a family heirloom for generations to come.

ID: 863223

Especially when it comes in this tasteful gift bag.

If for some unknown reason you’d like a slightly classier list of bachelorette party ideas, check out this post.

ID: 1076227

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