How To Throw An Absurdly Phallic Bachelorette Party

Turns out literally everything can be penis-shaped. NSFW, obvs. posted on

1. Send out your invitations in advance.

Your guests need time to get in the zone. Available here.

2. The night of, take a shower.

Get a set of 9 soaps here, which is definitely enough soap to last you until the wedding.

3. Get your nails did.

Available here.

4. Get dressed.

Everyone sees a different pattern in the ink blot. It’s science.

5. Don’t forget your bling!

The listing is careful to specify that this ring is for your finger.

6.

These glow in the dark; perfect for keeping track of your friends in a crowded club.

7. Decorate.

Aww. Available here.

8.

If you’re at a bar, you probably shouldn’t hang pictures, but otherwise go to town. These would also make delightful gifts for a pair of newlyweds without much home decor. Buy it here.

9.

Get one of these incredible prints from Happenis.

11. Set the mood.

Again: not so great for a bar. You’ll make all the other patrons jealous. Buy them here.

12. Is it a Christmastime bachelorette party? That’s the best kind.

Ornament available here.

13. Set out food for your guests.

Get the toppers here.

14. Or just munch on some goodies.

Available here.

15. If you’re going for savory rather than sweet, there’s no such thing as too much salt and pepper.

Get them here.

16. (Make sure to wear an apron.)

Available here.

17. (You don’t want to get flour on your pasties.)

Available here.

18. If you or your guests are tired, drink a cup of coffee or two.

Available here.

19. Unless you prefer tea.

Available here.

20. Then start popping bottles.

Buy it here.

21.

This reads “She Finally Picked One.” Cool. Available here.

22. Play some games.

The object of this Pictionary*-esque game is to disguise a picture of a penis with as creative a drawing as you can think of.

*The obvious thing to say here is “dicktionary,” but you and I are both much too clever for that.

23.

This is Bingo except instead of numbers there are just euphemisms for penises.

24. Present the bride with her tiara.

Fit for the Duchess of Cambridge herself. Available here.

25. When it’s time to go, give everyone the perfect party favor.

Nobody can say no to a flying penis charm. It’ll be a family heirloom for generations to come.

26.

Especially when it comes in this tasteful gift bag.

If for some unknown reason you’d like a slightly classier list of bachelorette party ideas, check out this post.

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