Guess The Toy Mental Illness!

The Awl found these psychiatrically-challenged German toys, presumably designed to teach small children about various mental illnesses. But the German descriptions are (surprise!) totally weird! I know the turtle is depressed, but can anyone inform me/the public about Sly's struggles? I'm at a loss.

• Dub, The Depressed Turtle

  

  Pretty straightforward: "Being an animal more accustomed to a relaxed pace, life in the fast lane has caught up with our patient, sending him into a deep depression."

• Dolly, The Sheep With A Personality Disorder

  

  Clear but alarming: "The patient seems to temporarily suffer from the delusion that she is a wolf despite the fact that she is without a doubt a sheep. The unexpectedly strong exhibition of the repressed identity completely overstrains her. Hysterical, psychotic defence reactions underline the fundamental threat which points at negative experiences and resulting fragmentation processes."

• Kroko, The Hallucinating Crocodile

  

  Fancy German words make him sound crazier: "The patient's hypersensitive hallucinatory perception is a symptom of a paranoid psychosis. The signs are a mental block and a Gestaltzerfall (disintegration of structure) of the habitual field of experience."

• Lilo, the Hippo with OCD

  

  I think it's OCD?:"The patient has been trying to solve a wooden jigsaw puzzle for the past few months without success. He is so absorbed in this repetitive activity that he is unaware of his surroundings most of the time. Ever since his disorder has begun, the patient hasn't talked to anyone."

• Sly, The Snake With The Mystery Illness

  

  Seriously, what does this mean?: "The patients inner conflict must be interpreted as a sign of an ambivalent relationships towards its own body. Combined with the fascination of an apparently much more potent-seeming substitute rattle, we suspect the manifestation of a deeply rooted rattle complex."