1. “Seasons” mean something different to you than most people.
Autumn? I think you mean “pilot season.”
2. Your friends live for Summer but you hate it because it means no new episodes of your favorite shows for three long, lonely months.
3. The holidays are exciting to you, not because of presents and family stuff, but because it means Christmas specials all month!
4. The Emmys are your Oscars. Movies are great, but you’ll just wait until they air on TV.
5. You train for a very particular kind of marathon. And you’re a champion at it, because you’ve had years of endurance training.
6. You’re frustrated when all of life’s problems aren’t wrapped up in 22 minutes + commercial breaks.
7. You frequently ask yourself, “Did I learn that in school or on The Magic School Bus?”
8. And when people ask you where you went to school, you catch yourself saying, “Third Street School…” before remembering that wasn’t a real institution.
9. Your first real, serious, all-consuming crush was on a fictional character, and you’re still a little broken up about it, to be honest.
10. When kids were mean to you, you fantasized about transforming into a Sailor Scout and kicking their butts.
…even if you were a boy.
11. …and later, you fantasized about staking them in the heart à la Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
And honestly, you still fantasize about staking people on the subway sometimes.
12. It bugs you when people call shows like Rome, Spartacus, The Tudors, and Xena “historically inaccurate” because you know television would never lie to you.
13. There’s a constant running narration in your head about what’s going on in your life.
14. You’re preeeeetty sure Twitter was invented for the sole purpose of live tweeting your favorite shows.
15. On more than one occasion you’ve cancelled plans with your real friends to hang out with your TV friends, because all your priorities are influenced by your cable box.
16. Since you grew up eating dinner in front of the tube, you find it physically impossible to start eating until you’ve found the perfect show to watch.
17. The greatest losses of your life are the early cancellations of your favorite shows. The heartache will follow you to the grave.
18. You sometimes get traumatic flashbacks of being grounded from TV privileges as a kid. That’s not a wound that heals easily.
19. You compare yourself and your friends to the characters on your favorite show, even if they’re barely alike.
It probably started with Power Rangers, then it was 90210, and now it’s Girls.
20. You do the same with your family, and you’re still pissed off that there’s no wacky Aunt Jackie in your household.
21. You can’t imagine what your life would be like without television, because television is your life.
No. No, they’re the same. Hush.