1. Should I call someone to get let in or do I text them or is the door unlocked or what?
2. I hope no one thinks I’m staking this place out for a robbery or something.
3. Maybe I’ll just wait out here until someone else shows up. Oh God. What if no one else shows up? What then?
4. Ah, finally made it in. Where’s the food?
5. Where are the drinks?
6. How do I get over to the food and drinks without interacting with anyone?
7. Ugh, this is like a maze.
8. So many people between me and the food :(
9. OK. Phew. Comfort me, potato chips.
10. I wonder how slowly I can fill this glass of wine.
11. Alright, let’s find the most isolated couch here.
12. How long do I have to stay here before I can leave?
13. Like, is 20 minutes acceptable?
14. No, it took me 30 minutes to get here. I should definitely stay for at least an hour.
15. Oooh, what should I do when I get home?
16. I should probably start that Mad Men marathon I’ve been putting off.
17. Jon Hamm’s supposed to be really good in it.
18. Hamm. Isn’t that a character in Toy Story?
19. THAT’S IT. I’LL HAVE A TOY STORY marathon later!
20. Oh, hey, a friend! I’ll talk to you.
21. No. No. Someone else just went up to them.
22. Maybe if I stand awkwardly to the side that other person will leave and let me talk to my friend alone?
23. Nope. Doesn’t seem to be working.
24. It’s too late to introduce myself at this point, since I’ve been standing just on the outside of this conversation for a full minute.
25. Maybe I should back away slowly and pretend I was never here.
26. But what if they notice me backing away?
27. I’ll just stand still.
28. Or look down at my shoes or something.
29. Oh no, there’s a hole in them.
30. Note to self: buy new shoes.
31. God, I feel like I’ve been here forever.
32. [Checks watch] Oh God…it’s been 15 minutes.
33. No, no, I can do this.
34. There’s another friend. And they’re all alone.
35. Time to do the conversation!
36. Wow, this is going really well.
37. We’re having a really great conversation.
38. Oh no, a mutual friend who I don’t really know is coming this way.
39. [Smiles meekly while internal sirens begin blaring.]
40. Wait…this person is pretty nice, too.
41. Look at me go!
42. Look at me engaging in a successful social interaction without completely recoiling back into my own head!
43. Real proud of myself right now.
44. OK…this is starting to get draining.
45. We’ve been talking for 20 minutes straight and I need a break.
46. Is there a non-rude way to tell someone, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed talking to you, but I actually just need a few minutes to recharge alone?”
47. Where would I even go to be alone?
48. Maybe I’ll go to the bathroom. Yep, good idea.
49. Ooooh, an animal.
50. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THERE WAS A DOG IN THE OTHER ROOM THIS WHOLE TIME?
51. DO THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOW MY DEEP SPIRITUAL BOND WITH PUPPIES?
52. Hiiiiii dogggyyyyyyyy.
53. You’re so cute.
54. God, I can’t think about anything besides how cute this dog is.
55. I think I might have a problem.
56. Nooo where are you going, puppy, I am showering you with so much love and attention.
57. Am I being too clingy? I can stop. Please, I swear!
58. I need you so I look occupied without having to face any more actual human interaction.
59. Who are all these people?
60. There are so many of them.
61. Do they really all know the host?
62. How does one person know that many people?
63. Anyone else feeling a little claustrophobic right now?
64. I need to sit down again.
65. I wonder if people think I look awkward just sitting here by myself?
66. Do they all think I’m that one “weird guy” every party has?
67. Am I that “weird guy” every party has?
68. Why does it even matter if someone is the “weird guy?” Can’t people just live their lives without fear of having labels like that thrust upon them?
69. What’s the point of labels anyway?
70. Oh God, I’m starting to get existential.
71. Maybe it’s time to call it a night at this point.
72. Yeah, going to leave now.
73. Let’s just..slide right out the door really quick, before anyone notices.
74. [Gets outside] Phew. I did it.
75. Good job, me.
76. Can’t wait to just be alone in my own room for a while.