Why "Don't Ever Have Children" Is The Real Message Of The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead is filled with deep and introspective discussions that generally culminate in some discovery about the meaning of life. A lot of them are vague and go right over our heads, but there is one message that is impossible to miss. And it's that KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING. Here are 7 ways The Walking Dead warns us not to procreate:

1. The Girl Who Can't Stay In One Place For Five Minutes

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Remember Sophia? Daryl does. He spent a massive chunk of Season 2 looking for her while Rick and Shane fought about her every other episode. And why? Because when Rick told her to "stay here," she interpreted that as "Run! Run deep into the scary forest on your own during a zombie apocalypse so that all the viewers get to watch a fruitless search that ends with a heartbroken Daryl." And we will simply not tolerate anyone who makes Daryl sad. Also, lose the doll. You're too old for that shit.

2. The Boy Who Randomly Decides to Sneak Off Into The Woods and Piss off Walkers

It's obviously difficult to choose just one moment in which Carl acts like he ISN'T in the middle of Zombie apocalypse, but we'll go with with the one that got Dale killed.

Stay in the effing house Carl.

3. The Baby Who Kills Her Mom

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This one's pretty straightforward. Well done, Judith.

4. The Boy Who Got Sick

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It could've been anyone. There were plenty of adults to choose from. But it had to be Patrick who got the flu and then died and then turned and then killed people. Why? Because The Walking Dead HATES KIDS.

5. The Girl Who's Batshit Crazy

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She doesn't want to hurt the zombies...Enough said.

6. The Boy Who Decides That The Midst Of A Zombie Invasion Is The Perfect Time To Settle Some Beef

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There are literally. Zombies. Everywhere.

How about we try and fail to kill someone for a dumb reason another time, like maybe when it doesn't involve drawing a horde of Walkers right into your house and endangering your entire family?

*Sigh* This is what happens when teenagers don't go to school.

7. This Little Shit

Zahava Wesfield / Via giphy.com

Luckily for this kid, walkers can't smell stupid. Unluckily, they can fucking hear. You should've eaten that cookie, kid. It's probably gonna be your last.

And that, friends, is how The Walking Dead warns us all that the only way to survive a zombie apocalypse is to use condoms.