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26 Secrets British-Born Chinese People Will Never Tell You

It's totally fine to microwave rice.

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1. We’re really not interested in hearing about that time you taught English in China.

British International Pictures / Via

Please, tell me more about how you taught 9-year-olds in Chengdu to say

"banter". I'm fascinated.

2. We microwave rice ALL THE TIME.

Science says no; our leftovers say yes.

4. Our families are like superheroes: They have their own origin stories.

ABC / Via

"We had to sail 100,000 miles on an ocean liner to get here from Hong Kong! And then your grandfather almost got sold to snakeheads! And then the UK Border Agency tried to deport him!"


7. This is the worst possible guessing game you can play with us.

What is this, Question Time for arseholes?


9. When you say, "You look so much like [insert Asian celebrity here]," you’re probably wrong.

It’s not that we look alike. It’s just that you only know three Chinese actors.

10. When you ask for a fork and knife at Wagamama, we're judging you.

We say we're not, but WE SECRETLY ARE.

12. But there's also an 85% chance that the Asian meal we cooked for you was from Wing Yip.

Chinese supermarkets invented the ready meal. Sorry, Tesco.


16. There are some memes that hit a little too close to home.

Ah, High Expectations Asian Father, my old friend.


18. We’ve got fives times more relatives than you do (and we still can’t keep them straight).


20. Some of us didn't do well in school.

I know, we're not all high-achieving A* robots. Shocker!


25. And especially when people don't grasp basic niceties, like not using the word "chinky".

View this video on YouTube

"If you and your mates are going out for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?" What about "I'm going out for a Chinese takeaway"?

And if anybody else tries to say otherwise: