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26 Secrets British-Born Chinese People Will Never Tell You

It's totally fine to microwave rice.

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1. We’re really not interested in hearing about that time you taught English in China.

British International Pictures / Via maudit.tumblr.com

Please, tell me more about how you taught 9-year-olds in Chengdu to say

"banter". I'm fascinated.

2. We microwave rice ALL THE TIME.

Science says no; our leftovers say yes.

3. We are also secretly disgusted by how you cook rice.

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You're adding salt to it? Oil? What is this blasphemy?

4. Our families are like superheroes: They have their own origin stories.

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"We had to sail 100,000 miles on an ocean liner to get here from Hong Kong! And then your grandfather almost got sold to snakeheads! And then the UK Border Agency tried to deport him!"

5. We reeeeally don’t want to say anything in Chinese to you.

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“Hey, say something in your native language!” No.

6. And we hate it when you try to speak it to us.

Well done, you said "ni hao". Nobody’s ever said that to me before.
MyxTV / Via youtube.com

Well done, you said "ni hao". Nobody’s ever said that to me before.

7. This is the worst possible guessing game you can play with us.

What is this, Question Time for arseholes?

8. We were reading manga and watching anime before it was cool.

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You've got about 72 volumes of Naruto to catch up on. Just saying.

9. When you say, "You look so much like [insert Asian celebrity here]," you’re probably wrong.

It’s not that we look alike. It’s just that you only know three Chinese actors.

10. When you ask for a fork and knife at Wagamama, we're judging you.

We say we're not, but WE SECRETLY ARE.

11. We also judge you every time you cook Chinese food.

Incredibeard / Via slothed.com

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

12. But there's also an 85% chance that the Asian meal we cooked for you was from Wing Yip.

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Chinese supermarkets invented the ready meal. Sorry, Tesco.

13. We definitely had a bowl cut before it was cool.

Normcore before it was normcore.
Flickr: dannychoo / Creative Commons

Normcore before it was normcore.

14. We were deeply and personally invested in Bloc Party.

abc.net.au

How often is the drummer in an indie band a 6"2' British Chinese guy in glasses?

15. We eat this all the time (and we feel guilty about it).

MSG is objectively bad for you (it can trigger headaches). Too bad it objectively makes everything taste amazing.
Flickr: benchun / Creative Commons

MSG is objectively bad for you (it can trigger headaches). Too bad it objectively makes everything taste amazing.

16. There are some memes that hit a little too close to home.

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Ah, High Expectations Asian Father, my old friend.

17. We're not impressed when you tell us about your Chinese girlfriend.

18. We’ve got fives times more relatives than you do (and we still can’t keep them straight).

19. That's why we call everybody "Uncle" and "Auntie".

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I'm just trying to cover all possible bases here.

20. Some of us didn't do well in school.

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I know, we're not all high-achieving A* robots. Shocker!

21. Not all of us are doctors, lawyers, or accountants.

That's Benedict Wong, an actor from Salford, Manchester. He's playing Emperor Kublai Khan in Marco Polo. Not every royal has to look like this, you get me?
Phil Bray / netflix.com

That's Benedict Wong, an actor from Salford, Manchester. He's playing Emperor Kublai Khan in Marco Polo. Not every royal has to look like this, you get me?

22. Though sometimes it does get a little alienating being the only yellow face in a white place.

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Even though there are almost 400,000 of us in the country!

23. Especially when everybody else has a weird idea of what your culture is like.

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I'm looking at you, Rihanna.

24. Or when they try to stick labels on you.

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Funny, thought I was a person.

25. And especially when people don't grasp basic niceties, like not using the word "chinky".

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"If you and your mates are going out for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?" What about "I'm going out for a Chinese takeaway"?

26. But even when you've been asked "where are you actually from?" for the 17th time in a month...

Guess what? We wouldn't change a thing.

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And if anybody else tries to say otherwise:

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