zacharya2

Hello. My name is Zack Armstrong. I'm 18, and I am a member of a variety of different socially unacceptable classes. First, I'm fat. I don't like to say obese because I feel like using that instead of fat is just sugar coating the truth and hiding it behind words that are generally harder to say anyway. Most of my family is fat and my nuclear family is fat. My mother and sister are taking steps to lose weight, and I support their decision to do that. However, I generally feel comfortable in my skin, even though some don't seem too comfortable with my skin, so I haven't taken too many steps towards losing weight. Some have said in the past that I have lost some weight, though, and if that is the case, then great. But I don't really care whether I'm skinny or fat. In fact, I'd prefer this body over one that was extra skinny. Second, I'm what you might call nerdy or geeky. Two of my favorite hobbies are comic books and video games, and I advocate both as forms of art. One of my favorite comic book publishers is Vertigo, a subsidiary of DC, because they're more adult and less afraid to say somewhat inappropriate things. You also won't generally see me reading super-hero comics, which, despite popular belief, is not the only kind of comic book. I really like role-playing games, puzzle games and music games, as well as others, but I can't stand first person shooters like Halo and Call of Duty (though I make an exception for the Halo story). I also really like music, which isn't socially unacceptable, but I feel like the way I enjoy music is rarer nowadays. I enjoy music that moves me, be it beats that make me move, tunes that make me smile or lyrics that make me think or even come close to tears. My interests span lots of different genres, too, from rock, metal and alternative to R&B, electronic and classical music. Of all the things I like, I feel like music needs to be unique. When I listen to an album that basically has the same song over and over with a different name and different lyrics, I feel like I've been ripped off, because I could have just bought one song and listened to it 12 or 13 times to call that an album. I don't play any musical instruments, but I do play the drums. Or, used to. All I have for a drum set is a broken electronic drum set, because I could never find the money or the space for a real one. Writing is also a big part of my interest. I love writing poetry. My poetry comes directly from my heart, and I often turn to writing poetry about my troubles when I have them. Sometimes I even like writing poems based on my dreams when I have them. I also enjoy writing personal essays and prose pieces. I've actually won an award for both a piece of short fiction and a personal essay. A surrealist Alice in Wonderland-esque piece of mine won third place in a League for Innovation writing competition at my college, Eastfield, and an essay made in the form of a letter to Rick Perry regarding gay marriage won second place in the essay category of the same competition. I've also got a couple ideas for a book in the tubes. So I guess you could say I'm good at what I do. Third, my mind is broken. Sort of. I was born with a mental disorder called Sensory Integration Disorder. It's somewhat hard to explain, but one way it affected me was that I couldn't be enrolled in school when I was young. I've been homeschooled for most of my life as a result of this disorder. The actual symptom that I do remember is that I couldn't be in a room with a lot of people, because I would end up having basically a panic attack, and I would have to go sit in a corner and wait it out. I had therapy for it when I was five or six, and I'm pretty much recovered from it now, but I think it left me a bit socially awkward. I'm a very shy person. Through a couple of different classes, I have gotten over my fear of public speaking, but talking on a personal level can be difficult for me sometimes. It's very difficult for me to go up and just talk to someone, but it becomes a lot easier for me to talk to someone else if they start the conversation. I guess that's out of fear that if I start talking to someone, they'll reject me and turn me away from the conversation. A sort of arbitrary defense mechanism that does more damage than it prevents. Finally, I am a homosexual male. The world divides itself further and further every day between their opinions on gays; the people that love and accept us, who are very enthusiastic to help us; the people who hate and reject us, who want do everything in their power to impede us; and those who don't really care either way. The funny thing is that I tend to be partial to the people that don't really care either way. In fact, when I came out, the last thing I wanted was for people to shower me with affection and attention and try to get me to talk about things like when I knew I was gay or how hard it was for me to come out. But when I did come out, that's exactly what happened. It was like being at the center of an apocalyptic paparazzi assault, or as I like to call it, the paperocalypse. But I take that from my mother; she was hospitalized last year for some erosion on her stomach caused by her lap band surgery. There was a hole in her stomach. When she was in the hospital, she really didn't want any people but her family to come visit her. I don't really understand why, but when my mother and I go through something hard, we really just want to be left alone. My homosexuality doesn't play a role in who I am as a person. I make myself, not my gayness. It's a part of my life, just like my obesity, my nerdiness, and my cracked mind are a part of my life. My personality was largely unaffected when I found out that I was gay, nor when I came out. I tend to isolate my sexuality from the rest of my personality; it's just there, and I don't really think much of it. It does make for some barriers, though; for instance, I can't simply ask any other guy out, because not every man is open to dating another man. But I live with that and all the other challenges that come with being gay, and I have accepted who I am. So, that's me. Talk to me if you like; I always appreciate new friends. Hate me if you like, but don't ever make a note of it to me.

• Website