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1. Because your Childhood Montage to the tune of "I Believe I Can Fly" would have been way cooler to the "Selfie" soundtrack
2. Because the awkward dancing at parties was emotionaly scarring at that age
3. Because reading from the Torah in "Public" and "Puberty" just don't go together
4. Because really...they could not have picked a worse time for this thing!
5. Because this time you won't have to make a speech individually thanking all 234 of your cousins
6. Because you realize that you could have a lot more fun with a girl named Shirley from Temple University than you ever did with non-alchoholic Shirley Temples
7. Because according to every movie ever made if you didn't dance "The Horah" it wasn't really a Jewish party
View this video on YouTube
This is far more accurate...
8. Because your parents vetoed your zombie apocolypse theme, and you didn't know this was an option:
9. Because the idea that you were "becoming a man" at that age was totally ridiculous, and probably still is...
10. Because your parents made you invite that kid you hated!
11. Because this time you don't have to wait for the Rabbi to leave before pulling out your Kanye playlist
12. Because the first suit you ever owned didn't yet capture your super unique sense of style
13. Because gifts today are so much better and IT ISN'T FAIR!
So don't miss your Penn Hillel Bar/Bat Mitzvah do-over!
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