Lessons I Learned From Losing My First Love.
Lessons I've learned from losing my first love.
Who do you consider your first true love? The girl you kissed on the playground when you were a kid? The girl you lost your virginity to? The first person you had an long term relationship with? The first thing I learned from losing my first true love is that everyone I thought I had a special connection to previously was a huge lie. Of course you could consider them all a form of love, but hey, you never really know what it's like to truly love someone until it hits you like a brick wall.
I remember the first time her and I spoke. I've heard older people tell me that when you fall in love you'll know instantly; but I didn't think it would be so dramatic. 5 minutes into a conversation on November 25th, 2012 at 9:35PM and I wanted to marry her. Pairing our similar interests and life goals along with her beauty was overpowering. Not to mention how natural the conversation came and the obvious vibe from both of us being interested. So yeah, somewhat of a brick wall as most say. It was at that moment, after one conversation that I knew, I was in love, and I hardly knew her.
We moved in together. Our relationship was magic every single day and living together made everything even better. Waking up next to each other, cooking her dinner, coming home from work to her, it was all just.. The best feeling in the world. My relationship taught me is treat every day as your first date. There is no reason for you to ever lack affection for your spouse. That was my biggest downfall. Things got settled and it became routine and I slowly started becoming more self involved, but I still had an obvious affection for her just not as much as when we first moved in. Words aren't enough when you really want to keep someone. It's very hard to find someone you connect to on so many different levels. Some people never find it. And if you're like me, you're lucky enough to find it but not smart enough to keep it. This goes hand and hand with commitment. And if something happens and you end up losing them, these are the number one things that will hang over your head. Did you do everything you possibly could to make them feel special? Did you give them a reason to stay? It's a feeling I wouldn't wish anyone to experience.
The hardest thing I learned is that this whole experience is a part of life, and probably most wonderful, amazing, rewarding, tough, heart wrenching, shittiest part of life all together. Ive never experienced something that feels so incredible in my life, but I've endured physical pain that was way more tolerable than sitting in my bed with the dog that was once ours staring at the ceiling thinking of everything I could've done better or what I could've done differently. I'm 22 years old, and I would like to say that eventually this feeling passes but I haven't gotten there. I don't know if I will ever get there. I question if the pain ever subsides at all. I question if it's ever suppose to. But what it does is it strengthens you, it makes you smarter, and it also fucking kills you. The catch 22 is you learn what not to do in your next relationship, but you don't want to feel that way about anyone else. I wish I learned what I know now a long time ago. My advice to anyone whose feeling what I first felt on November 25th, 2012, it's don't slip. If I knew how empty it felt not having her, when I was flirting with other girls, and having my phone out on social media while we were on the couch together, and being too cheap to take her on a nice dinner, I would've never shunned her the way I did.
It's very easy to think that the person you're with right now is the love of your life, but hold out until you feel that rush. That sense of renewal, that sense of emotion, feeling someone's affection while they're not even there, and when you finally feel it, do everything you can to keep it. This is all very basic advice, but it's things you lose sight of down the road. Don't ever forget to make her feel special. You might realize it when it's too late. And then you'll end up back at your parents house, alone in your bed at 3AM, writing bullshit blogs to vent out how badly you wish you did things differently.
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