How Has Ron Johnson Been Spending His Time?

Wisconsinites value representatives who show up to work and do their job. Over the last five years, Ron Johnson has missed 60% of his Homeland Security Committee hearings. In addition, he refuses to hold a hearing and vote for President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, let alone take the time to meet with him. With all the time Ron Johnson has spent not representing the people of Wisconsin, people are starting to wonder what he has been doing!

Making New Friends

As a concerned constituent, it’s been nice to see Ron get out of his comfort zone a little and make some new friends. This year he had a play-date with GOP mega-donor and Emperor Palpatine’s more successful brother Sheldon Adelson, where they had some fun when Sheldon played keep-away with a check. Earlier in his term, Ron became pen-pals with Supreme Leader of Iran Sayeed Ali Khameni.

Pitching his Sitcom: The Ronald and The Donald

Sen. Johnson’s been eager to get out and stump for Donald Trump and was so gleefully amused by Ronald and Donald rhyming that he has developed a sitcom that he’s now shopping to TV news networks. It’s sort of like The Odd Couple, but the twist is that they think and behave in exactly the same way.

Trying to Become a Film Critic

In 2015, Sen. Johnson gave two thumbs down to The Lego Movie calling it “insidious propaganda”. Is he working on his next review where he asserts Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa supports Iran getting a nuclear weapon? Also, getting Ron Johnson as our Senator has sort of been like asking for a Lego Millennium Falcon for Christmas and getting a Mega Blok Death Star instead.

Pressing All of the Buttons in a Trump Tower Elevator

He has to kill some time before this whole Supreme Court thing blows over.

Constructing Tin Foil Hats for Imaginary Threats

Even though Ron has been told by the US Energy Secretary that an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) is nothing more than fiction, he still plans to hide under his bed with the help of his tin foil hat to protect himself from what he sees as an inevitable attack on US soil.

Staring At The Sun

Sen. Johnson has done America a great service by staring at the sun for hours at a time to prove that climate change is not a result of pollution, as most scientists believe, but “more likely that it's just sunspot activity”.