12 Crappy DIY Projects That Make Pooping Fun

Make this guide about number twos your number one resource for potty 'provements, and see what weirdly awesome Instructables projects will have you bearing down in delight.

1. Cup Holder Toilet Seat

instructables.com

Because what better place for a refreshing beverage than right at your hip?

A pint glass fits snugly in the hole, and your bottom fits snugly over the other hole. You'll need a bandsaw (or a handsaw and a lot of time) and some sandpaper. Plenty of sandpaper. Like, seriously, lots and lots of fine grit sandpaper.

2. Never Run Out Of Toilet Paper

instructables.com

In another "why didn't I think of that?" project, noahw shows us how to install twelve rolls of toilet paper to save you storage space and crouched walks to the cabinet with pants around your ankles.

Noah shows some clever ways to lay out the grid so you don't arrange your rolls haphazardly, and you can take care of this in an afternoon if you've got a nice section of drywall next to your commode. If you make it, you can mix and match toilet paper brands to meet His and Her specifications for texture and durability, store entire packs on your walls, and delight a few malicious kittens who have a deep-seated and violent hatred of toilet tissue.

3. Potty Shower

instructables.com / Via instructables.com

Targeted at parents with kids but fun for all ages, this is a sink sprayer converted to operate as a toilet shower. For those times when you need to rinse out something so nasty even your tub is out of the question.

This little guy taps into the water line ahead of the toilet, so the water is technically clean enough to drink.

4. Bumwad Has Never Looked So Delicious

instructables.com

These Rolo-themed toilet paper holders will enthrall you while you're enthroned.

And she makes them look fun, doesn't she? It just took some 6"x24" vent pipe, brown and gold spray paint, and a few other odds and ends you can grab from the Home Depot in an afternoon.

5. Make Halloween Memorable for Your Child

instructables.com

An adorable toilet costume for an adorable little girl. Kids, this is why it's important to remove your parents from the Halloween costume-making experience. Parents, you will embarrass your children enough with potty issues. Don't combine free Tootsie Rolls and dressing as a toilet unless you want to positively reinforce coprophagia from a young age. (And whatever you do, don't image search coprophagia.)

6. Go-Go Gadget Toilet Paper

instructables.com

You'll have to hack a Fräck mirror from Ikea, but you too can have a TP gadget worthy of the Inspector and Penny and Brain. It sure beats stacking rolls behind the bowl, and there are some bathrooms that are just too weirdly configured for any other options.

For those of you with odd toilet configurations: it's okay. You can wall-mount your toilet paper like everyone else with these instructions. You'll just need a Fräck, some Sugru, and some good, old-fashioned screwing.

7. Home Restroom Valet

instructables.com

Do you need reminders to put the seat down or turn off the lights in the bathroom? Does a roommate or child (and really, what's the difference?) need those reminders?

This little gadget will do both for you, along with a cute little audio sample of your choosing.

And if you've got a shy bladder, this restroom valet will play calming audio files like the sound of running water or golf clapping to assist in your evacuation completion process. (And you can program the propeller kickstart microcontroller in Basic, C, or Spin. And if you aren't awesome at programming*, you can use the Parallax Propeller Tool for beginners.)

*I assume this is pretty much everyone reading this except for Chris Bosh. Y'all can just borrow code from the many open source libraries. Ctrl-C+Ctrl-V. Or hit up Radioshack and make an Arduino version. Arduino: where even more people have shared their oddly specific sketches for reading inputs from ping sensors to know when the toilet seat is up...

8. Do The Deuce Like an Italian Plumber

youtube.com / Via instructables.com

Because sometimes it's nice to hear some positive reinforcement after doing a speed run astride the porcelain pony. And it's awfully reassuring to imagine that all of the children you just dropped off at the pool became food for those bouncy squid and obnoxious puffer fish that always catch Mario in with his froggy suit bottoms down.

9. Make Halloween Extra-Scary

youtube.com / Via instructables.com

Though if this is your toilet situation, there are probably scarier things in your life than a toilet that softly whispers "I will kill you," when you open the lid.

Even so, after a night of binging on candy corn and witch's brew, the last thing you want is urine on your costume because the toilet literally scared the piss out of you. They got the whisper and the lighting down cold.

10. Glow In The Dark Seat

instructables.com

At first glance, there's nothing impressive about painting a toilet seat with glow in the dark powder and some liquid clear coat. It's so obviously a great idea, it doesn't make sense why ALL home toilets don't have this feature.

Let Instructables author wingtipsmith, in his only shared project so far, show you exactly how it's done.

11. Tank Bean Sprouter

instructables.com

An easy to remove chamber for sprouting beans with water you'd otherwise flush down the toilet like some sort of wastrel.

You'll give new meaning to the term "dirty hippie" with this toilet tank hydroponic setup, but the sprouts are probably no worse than the moist, wan, and sticky ones you get from the grocery store. Though E. coli is more of a risk in the room where you mist the air with flatulence and sprinkle the rear of the bowl with occasional splash-back. Ever so slightly riskier than the supermarket, but you'll save some cash on sprouts, and your sandwiches will whiff of danger.

12. Toilet Paper Twitter Tracker

instructables.com

This Twitter-enabled toilet tweets out how much toilet paper was used.

Was it a big one with multiple folds and reaching for seconds? A single-dropper that required a single square? Twitter knows.

Using small neodymium magnets inside of the toilet roll and a reed switch in the holder, it will track the number of times the TP roll spins. 3.4 squares comprised a single revolution, and so all that's needed is an Xbee to do the tweeting and a microcontroller to do the math, remember what to tweet, and keep everything powered.