Tell Us About Yourself(ie): Tim Simons

Veep's Jonah takes our Q&A!

Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

What's your wallpaper on your phone and/or computer?

I broke my phone recently and had to replace it, so it's whatever the default is. I'll switch it to pictures of our kids when I know I'm going into a situation where people will ask so I don't have to scroll through to find them. Other than that I like solid colors as background; it's boring. My computer has the characters from the SNES video game Earthbound, which is my favorite video game of all time.

When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?

Used to be Old Style and Tequila. Then it was microbrews. Now it's red wine. I'm growing up in ways I don't want to.

What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?

Legitimately.

What is the last thing you searched for on Google?

"Light." This sounds like a meaningful and noble search, but I think I was looking for a horror movie that involved shadows or something and had a one-word title.

Who is the last person who called or texted you?

My wife trying to figure out which one of us will pick up the kids from daycare. Most of our days are spent at full sprint trying to get work done before we have to chase two 2-year-olds around.

What was the last awkward situation you were in and how did you handle it?

No matter what it was, the answer is not well — followed by a lot of replaying the moment over and over again in my head, wondering how it went so terribly wrong.

When is the last time you went to a theater?

Movie: The Grand Budapest Hotel at the Hollywood ArcLight

Comedy: Stewart Lee at the Soho Theatre in London this past December

Legitimate: Sleep No More in New York City last fall

Fuck me, there it is — a version of it at least. I use it way too much.

What TV show everyone should be watching?

If you didn't watch The Shield you should stop everything you are doing and go back and watch The Shield. For current shows, everyone in the world should be watching Community because it's outstanding.

And what is your TV guilty pleasure?

Scandal. Nothing on that show makes sense and everyone is a murderer. Every character has killed like eight people in cold blood but somehow they are still the good guys, or gladiators fighting the good fight or something.

What's the first CD you bought?

R.E.M.'s Green and AC/DC's The Razor's Edge.

What is the one food you cannot resist?

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Pretzels.

What music are you currently listening to?

You don't care to know this much about me, but music has been hard for me recently. I used to love going to shows and finding new bands, but the internet takes the fun out of it. Like a band? You can buy and download every single song they have ever done within five minutes. It used to be a challenge. iPods just made music about how many songs you could have on you at all times. Jesus, I sound like a grumpy old man yelling at satellites.

What movie makes you laugh the most?

If you haven't seen Four Lions, you should watch it. It's directed by one of our Veep directors Chris Morris, and is horribly upsetting, but also made me laugh incredibly loud. Also, Armando Iannuci's movie In the Loop and Anchorman.

What drives you absolutely crazy?

People turning left on Beverly without a turn lane. People who let their kids climb up the slide when there are other kids at the top. Restaurants with bad lighting.

Pick one: kittens or puppies?

I'm a dog person, but I don't a have pet.

New York or Los Angeles?

Los Angeles. I moved here sight unseen, and have loved it from day one.

Comedy or drama?

Drama.

Bacon or Nutella?

Bacon. I just stopped being a vegetarian after 16 years and it turns out that it tastes really good.

'80s or '90s?

'90s. You could literally buy any piece of shit pair of pants or shirt at a thrift store and wear it and you looked great.

Hannah Montana or Lizzie McGuire?

I have absolutely no idea of the difference between these two characters, so I'm basing this on Miley and Hilary. Hilary I met once and she seemed really nice. Miley I've never met but I love "Wrecking Ball" and "We Can't Stop" so I'm calling this a push. They are both the winners and I'm sure knowing that would mean a lot to them.

And finally: Tell us a secret.

I don't find your tall jokes funny, but I'll laugh to make you feel good. Neither one of us gets what we want.