I feel like the guy in my friendships. I really do. And it's become annoying.
This thought was given birth following a few casual get-togethers with my very chill (code for less dramatic) friends and my sisters (who since hitting adulthood, have really been no drama for me).
And it was awesome. I didn't feel the need to escape. I didn't feel lethargic. I did feel sore from all of the laughing that was taking place. But other than that, a completely drama free night.
And that's when it hit me...maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not sensitive enough to the plight of other ladies who have befriended me who I currently think could win a day time Emmy for all the tears and tantrums they serve up. That sounds insensitive.
Let me explain:
I always got along much better with guys than girls. Why, you ask? Well, most guys are pretty easy going simple creatures. They like simple things: food, sports, hanging out, a good beer, some good jokes, and sleep. Relationships with them are not usually taxing. Basic right. I kind of became that way too. I don't require much. I've never thought of myself as a princess (not hating on those that do). I don't need a ton of attention. I'm just content.
Because of this time with my male buddies, I believe I'm a little more blunt than maybe I should be. But that's for a good reason. I want to get the story right, but I also want to stray from my ability to sugarcoat things that don't need one bit of truth stealing frosting, but needs to be doused in truth, no matter how bitter it is.
I'm not mean. I just want to talk about the issue as the issue stands and not put lipstick on an ugly situation. Once again, that's my own issue.
Another thing, I'm a writer with a short attention span and a huge imagination capacity. So you could lose me at any minute. That isn't a sign of how much you mean to me, I do these things with my own mom, and she means the world to me, so please don't take offense.
Therefore if you can't hold my attention, let's say, telling me the very same story that you have told me the last 4 times we have spoken and there has been no change despite the countless amounts of advice, hours of tears, and various means and modes of continuing the discussion, ie on Facebook or thru text in addition to phone and in person talks, then please pardon me as I have the tendacy to drift in and out of the convo.
I just don't like feeling like I'm living in a perpetual groundhog's day.
Also, I don't like talking to some of the same people every day. Some days, it's me and my sisters. Other days it's me and my girls. My bosses and I have great convos at lunch, and me and my handsome have great ones at night.
And then I really love my me time. My own drama free me time with nothing but my iPad, headphones, camera, and the beautiful world to capture in snaps and words. Very few people on that list become an everyday situation. That's just honesty.
But what am I met with? The following:
"I'm not talking to you because you did something I didn't like." Ok, that's fine. While you pout over there, I'm going to go, you know, do something of actual importance.
"Why didn't you text me right back?" I was obviously in the middle of something. My apologies, your highness, for not stopping in the middle of, say, work, or a live convo I was having, or God forbid I was doing something for myself, and responding to you, oh desired center of my universe.
Or the passive remarks like "I need new friends." Yeah, well maybe you do. You guys can get together and do a Housewives of Drama-Mama-Delphia. I don't think I make the cut.
And my favorite "I don't think you can give me what I need." Sweetheart, no body does. So take your melodramatic bum back to Dawson's Creek, or grow the hell up please.
Ladies these are tactics we reserve for our significant others, not each other. I am good for a silent treatment if I think the behavior warrants it, but not with my girlfriends. No. We don't do that.
Just to summarize, I'm not your boyfriend. I'm your friend. Your female buddy. I can be your confidant, your roadie, your prayer buddy, your accountability. But what I won't be is your substitution for a significant other. Period.
And, to be honest, I'm enjoying balancing something called a life, something that doesn't always involve you, just like your life doesn't always involve me. I'm not the type who calls every day, I'm forgetful, dreamy, sometimes lazy. All of these things are explained in the beginning.
I am not a mind reader, nor am I a "prober" in any way. So when you say things are fine, I let it go. When you say you don't want to talk about it, it means I'm changing the subject. When you don't want to talk to me, please know that I am somewhere else, probably talking to someone else, and more likely not thinking about you at all. And until you come to me face to face to state your issue, I will happy exist like I've been doing.
And that should be fine.
Anyone else in this boat with me?