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You can't grow a beard.
You're not keen on plaid.
You would rather wear contacts than glasses.
You have no desire to own a fixie bike whatsoever.
You don't like microbrew or IPA.
You own a number of vinyl records but don't own a record player and wouldn't know how to work one if you did.
This was the last typewriter you used
You can still enjoy mainstream music
View this video on YouTube
And you know this is a tune.
You don't own or want to own an Apple product
You would never, ever use the word "Kafkaesque"
You don't get Wes Anderson's movies
You wouldn't dream of spending all day in a coffee shop on your laptop.
You don't mind being called a hipster.
You like being happy.
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