1. He is magnificent to behold
Regard his gravity-defying mustache with awe. His beard is the template for all beards. The flagrant display of his revolver quietly states to the world: fuck with me and die.
2. Cornelius is not just a pretty face.
The most dangerous weapon in his arsenal is his cunning. When combined with his brute strength, he is unstoppable. Like, he clearly displays his gun though the entire movie but you never see him use it. Doesn’t need it! Even when taking on a 15-foot tall, carnivorous ape-like creature BARE HANDED!
3. Y.C. is courageous.
Spearheads a daring rescue mission, risking his life for his new friend Rudolph and Rudolph’s loved ones asking nothing in return.
4. He’s witty.
Iceburg-raft crashes onto shoreline of Island of Misfit Toys, Yukon: “LAND HOOOO!!!” Hermey: “No kidding.” Comic genius.
5. Y.C’s origins are shrouded in mystery.
“Where did Yukon come from?” What initially caused him to turn his back on civilization? What personal crisis drove him to the wastes of the North? Can you even imagine the cajones it would take to brave the desolate Arctic tundra on a geological expedition with only dogs as companions? This is the essence of get-rich-or-die-trying.
6. He is one with nature.
Despite the racist overtones that pervade the film, all creatures are equal to Y.C., instantly befriending a transient reindeer and elf. Y.C. even at times takes some of the burden off of his sled dogs (which by the way, consist of several different breeds of dogs including a wiener dog). Yukon isn’t limited to our narrow societal norms like the stereotypical use of huskies as sled dogs. In addition, Yukon’s powers are not limited to animals. He can sense gold and silver simply through his senses of taste and smell of any adjacent permafrost.
7. Yukon Cornelius is a slave to the economy or fashion.
Sampling a geological sample.
When we first meet Yukon searching for gold, he changes his mind shortly thereafter to focus on finding silver. At the end of the movie, he discovers an untapped vein of peppermint in the Earth’s crust and despite the much lower market value compared with precious metals, chooses this as his commodity.
8. And he cares not all about hollow materialistic pursuits.
He puts his quest for silver and gold on the back-burner to launch a suicidal mission to rescue Rudolph. He could teach us all a thing or two about what the spirit of Christmas really means.
9. He lives a simple yet spectacular existence.
Y.C. lists his required provisions: cornmeal, gun powder, ham hocks and guitar strings. Though his guitar is not seen in the film, I bet he shreds that bitch.
10. He’s practical.
Yukon lives where Gingers are most safe from the ravages of the UV light; at the Earth’s pole where the Sun’s rays are weakest.
11. YC displays superhuman strength and durability.
Somehow survives his battle with the Abominable after a plunge into a thousand-foot crevasse. Despite his assertion that “Bumble’s bounce”, even if he had positioned the monster to cushion his fall, an impact at terminal velocity and the resulting deflection would have launched him far into the air, most likely coming to land on rocks, permafrost or in ice-cold water.
12. Cornelius has mad skills, you don’t even know.
Hmm…looks a little bare, could use some pretty, twinkling lights.
After conquering the monster, though he could kill and harvest the organs, he instead rehabilitates it from murderous scourge of the north to interior designer.
Really, all the other characters in this movie are secondary. The movie should have been called “The Adventures of Yukon Cornelius featuring some deer or something”.
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- Mall of America, the largest mall in the country, is hosting its first ever black Santa 🎅🏿