1. Sweet, got the express lift all to myself.
2. Oh really lady? The last-second hand-in-the-door? Fine, get in.
3. If I order pizza now can I make it before the delivery guy?
4. Is it socially acceptable to answer the door in underwear?
5. I think I know her.
7. Now I'm staring too long.
8. Ah! Eye contact!
9. Great, my awkward smile has turned into a creeper smile.
10. Well, hopefully I don't know her.
11. Something smells funky.
12. Is it me?
13. Shouldn't have had that garlic onion breadsticks.
14. Can't remember if I zipped…
15. Just going to do a casual shimmy, a quick peak, and… ok I'm good.
16. Shoes are weird. They're like a helmet. But for your feet.
17. I wonder hows fast we're going.
18. Who that, who that I-G-G-Y. That do that do that I-G-G-Y.
19. Solange could take Jay-Z.
20. I wouldn't bet against Solange against anyone – she's got crazy eyes.
21. Eye. I. Aye. So many different spellings.
22. Hey, remember that time in preschool when you ate glue. Weirdo.
23. I'm going to Netflix so hard when I get back to my room. So hard.
24. This is taking too long. I'm going to lean on the railing.
25. So many butts have probably been on this railing.
26. Through the transitive property, I just touched that hot girl's butt from 15B.
27. Salsa. That's a fun word to say.
29. I'm breathing really loudly.
30. Great, now I know I'm breathing. Stop thinking about it. Stop.
31. What if we get stuck? We'd establish a pee corner first. Then wait for rescue.
33. Muffins are just cupcakes that aren't trying hard enough.
34. Hah. Silly panda. I need to remember to Tumblr that gif.
35. That corner. That would be the pee corner.
36. OMG. I feel like I'm in a time vortex. Is this thing moving?
37. Don Draper is so cool in elevator scenes. I'm totally Don right now.
38. Student loans suck. But a Lannister always pays his debts.
39. The floor is sticky. I don't know why, but it's sticky.
40. Does anyone else notice the floor is sticky?
41. I could drive a monster truck. I SHOULD drive a monster truck.
42. Why did we stop?
43. Oh yeah, hand-in-the-door lady's floor.
44. Doors open – open dammit.
45. Take your time, lady. Not like I got pants to take off and a couch to sit on.
46. My nose is itchy.
47. Ha, it probably looks like I was picking it.
48. Wait, do these elevators have a camera?
49. Do it again but harder so they know you weren't picking it.
50. Perfect. That will clear things up.
51. Screw escalators. Elevators are where it's at.
52. Why aren't we moving?
53. Wait, am I going back down?
54. Wow. I forgot to hit my floor.
55. Great, I'm back at the lobby.
56. Hopefully no one is getting on . . . and they are.
57. Play it cool, they don't know you messed up.
58. But now they'll think I made the floor sticky! I didn't do it, people!
59. Quick, do something to avoid suspicion.
60. Hey, what's this on my phone? Better check during the whole ride!
#Obviously - Virgin Mobile