The Definitive Ranking Of Girl Scout Cookies
Your favorite cookie comes with a merit badge to make up for your loss of self-respect. Much Love - Virgin Mobile
1. Cranberry Citrus Crisps: "Better Than You" Badge
Awarded for: Believing they’re not cookies, they’re crisps. You don’t do it for the taste, you do it for the citrus farts that stink of smug satisfaction.
2. Savannah Smiles: "Forever Alone" Badge
Awarded for: Going the extra mile to avoid sharing. Including, but not limited to, eating a cookie flavored like lemon dish soap.
Protip: Use this empty box to hide your other snacks. No one will touch them.
3. Lemonades: "Hipster" Badge
Awarded for: Being different just cause you can. It’s not chocolate, and that’s what makes it cool.
4. Samoas: "Totally Not Racist" Badge
Awarded for: Saying “Samoa” because your Samoan friend said it was ok. You’re not racist, but you still make people uncomfortable the way you inhale an entire box.
5. Dulce De Leche: "Those Ones" Badge
Awarded for: Pointing to the cookies you want. You can’t pronounce ‘dulce’ but that won’t stop from eating cookies packed with delicious leche caramel.
6. Thin Mints: "Sleeve Serving" Badge
Awarded for: Finding any excuse to eat cookies by the handful. Thin Mints are like half the size of other Girl Scout Cookies so it only makes sense to eat twice as much.
7. Chocolate Chip Shortbread: "Gluten Free" Badge
Awarded for: Compassion toward those in the fight against gluten. It’s not about taste, it’s about sending a message.
8. Do-Si-Dos: "Contains Nuts" Badge
Awarded for: Using peanuts as an anti-theft system. Because you’d totally offer your friend one, it’s just a shame he’s got a nut allergy.
9. Shortbread: "Toe the Line" Badge
Awarded for: Not rocking the boat. There’s shortbread and nothing else. You want to play fast and loose with toppings, have at it. Satan.
10. Tagalongs: "Social Chameleon" Badge
Awarded for: Taking extreme measures to make sure everyone, everywhere, ever likes you. Chocolate, slammed around peanut butter, stuffed with cookies. They’ll have to love you now.
11. Thank U Berry Munch: "Healthier Than Thou" Badge
Awarded for: Outstanding commitment to pretending to be healthy. Yes, they’re cookies, but with cranberries! And everyone knows white fudge is the kale of the chocolate world.
12. Thanks-A-Lot: "Sarcasm" Badge
Awarded for: Exceptional eye rolls while eating a cookie. Oh, short bread again. But this time with fudge. This is so blog worthy.