An Idiot’s Guide To The 2012 Summer Games

Everything you need to know to enjoy the 2012 summer games.

1. The Games are a series of athletic contests originally devised by the Greeks

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2. Not these Greeks

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3. These Greeks

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4. This year they will take place in London

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5. London is in Great Britain

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6. Great Britain is ruled by a queen

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7. and the Goblin King

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8. The symbol of the games is five interlocking rings

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9. and the one ring to rule them all

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10. The games will have two mascots

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11. you know, for kids

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12. The games begin when the Vestal virgins gather the flames of the sun

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13. and send them around the world

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14. to light Michael Phelps’ bong

Mirah Vypravěč / CC BY-ND http://2.0 / Flickr: 110652593@N07

15. Winners receive medals

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16. The U.S.A. has historically done well

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17. and everyone will be tuning in

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18. to watch this chick jump over stuff

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